I am what can be called a "Type A", workaholic individual. I love my work and in last two and half years I have consumed countless amounts of alcohol and caffeine to keep working. That has led to some good research work, some good conference presentations and upcoming research ideas.However, that has also led to many mental breakdowns, sleepless nights, exhaustion and questioning my ability to do any good work.

And this is not just me. Many of my incredibly smart and hard working friends and colleagues have been through the same or even going through the same. I am very proud to be in a country that focuses so much on work and achievements but at the same time, looking at myself and my friends, I keep asking the real question "When do I live?" Work is important and I want to work and be productive and contribute a drop of knowledge as long as I live. But while doing it, I realize that all I think about and worry about is work. A very wise colleague of mine once told me, no one cares if you kill yourself over work. There is always someone to replace you. So what you have to do create and maintain your own boundaries.

The real question is, how do I do that? Sometimes I say, what I produce is not really changing the world or saving lives or solving any of the world problems. But then why do I feel this constant need to give 110% and prefer work over my own sanity and life? I am struggling to find answer to this question. I love my family and friends but I can recall numerous times,when I have chosen a deadline over seeing them or talking to them. I am always ON. Even at my own party, I couldn't stop thinking about the enormous amounts of reading and work I had to finish the next day. I think, my work is made me live only in the "office" and not in my own life. I dream about work and forget everything when it's on line. I feel if I fail to succeed at a single deadline, that's the end of my life. This is a terrible situation. I am constantly stressed and worried that I am not ""good enough or working hard enough".

If I succeed in one project, the next one is on the line and I can't enjoy success of my own work. I think this is the outcome of my workaholic nature or my own need to be constantly successful at work. Everything else, doesn't matter. Work-life balance is important but are we creating a situation where it's impossible to have one. I don't know the answer to this question but what I know is something needs to be done. After all, work is a part of life and not the entirety of it.

My friend recently posted a very disturbing article on FB about overtly sexual and violent ads. On the eve of Halloween, I had a very similar conversation with my girls about Sexy Halloween costumes. As a woman and a feminist, I am very disturbed with this trend of constantly sexualizing women everywhere. Why can't we not do that?

Advertising world says, sex sells. But at what cost? Do we want our daughters to feel small, meaningless and hopeless in the ad world where all models are size 0, probably unhealthy and overtly modified on magazine overs? I am all about sensuality and enjoying the creativity and art in intimacy; in and out of bedroom. However, there is a very distinct line between sensuality and outright crass, on your face nudity. If the creative genius can only think about a naked woman, dominated by few men, as means to titillate consumers to buy a pair of jeans; he is not really a creative genius.

Why do we have to show women as helpless, damsels in distress; when we are conquering world? Intimate partner violence is a serious issue and not to be used a method to attract customers for a f**** perfume. And what exactly, such ads are saying? Hey, look if you wear this, you can rape a woman and she would be fine? I am utterly upset and disappointed in this so called creativity.

Why is Halloween, "be a slut" card for women? If it's a fun costume, why don't we see those options for women? Why does she have to be sexy "anything" (put anything, literally). It saddens me that in 21st century, when women are leaders and creators and owners, we still need to show them as Barbie dolls, who need a man? (We don't need a man, we want one :-), choice :-)). It saddens me, that in a world, where we praise Malalas of the worlds, we still want to send message to our daughters "you are inferior sex", in one way or the other.

Here is a suggestion for the ad world, why don't you show, a real woman who wears a pair of jeans and works on the farm?? Or a woman who wears your perfume and hugs her students in Kindergarten? Or a woman, who uses your ketchup and enjoys the fries with her friends?? Because, a real woman does all of this using all these products, for the people she cares about.

And as for Halloween, next year I am dressing up as Hillary Clinton! Because that's a real, tough woman who is far more sexy to me than your "sexy nurse" :-)

I have been meaning to write this blog for a long time now. This post is for all the incredible women I know, met and see on the streets of Washington, DC all the time.

Women rock the world. Period. I have been around the most amazing women all my life. But in past two years, since I moved to DC, I have come across exceptional women and I am in awe of them. These women I met in graduate school, at conferences, in metro, at coffee shops, friends of friends and at work. In short, literally everywhere. They are incredibly smart and by that I mean not only they are book-smart, they are intellectuals. They are straight forward, clear thinkers, know what they want, dashing and just overall power houses. They come from all over the US and from different parts of the world. They speak few languages, they have clear ideas about "feminism", they care about their work and very passionate about "making a difference". Many of them have been through terrible life experiences. But they literally say "try me" to every single bad situation that tries to kick them to the ground.

They are well traveled, well spoken, well dressed and are very comfortable with their sexuality. They have great sense of humor and they are not ashamed of laughing at themselves. These women are inspiration to me. Some of them are married, some single, some are mothers, teachers and educators. But mostly they are "women" who control their life. They take issues head on and not afraid to fail. They are survivors and conquerors. I am too lucky to count them in my life. They are constant source of energy and positive vibes.

They drive, lift heavy boxes, they write, cook and do everything. They are not afraid to be the "man" but at the same time, they are not afraid to rock a pair of red-pumps. They are strong, funny and live their lives to the fullest. I can't thank my fate enough, to have them in my life. I truly, am, blessed to have these rock-star girlfriends. 

I am cramming like a mad for PA and policy exams. And as I read and think about all the PA issues, some of the thoughts I can't ignore. I don't know why we keep saying that there is "Identity crisis" in PA. Are we political science or Policy studies or who are we? I personally think, given my very limited understanding of the field; we don't need to have this crisis. PA is after all an applied field. We are not Physics or Economics. We are in business of running this crazy, mad machine called the Government. We have a federalist system and how we can best navigate it, is the best question for me to think about it. Layers of government, exceedingly complex problems and always limited resources (Econ here :-)). In the midst of all these changing issues, we are trying the best we can to make sure the democracy keeps running.

It is not possible to build a grand theory of PA, I think. We need to borrow from Economics, Sociology, Political Science, Anthropology, Statistics, Psychology and everything else we need to. If we study terrorism, we need to understand religious studies also. If we study low income population, we need to understand behavioral psychology. As PA scholars and students, it's our job is to adapt and change but still remain close to democratic and constitutional values. A politician or the real decision maker, isn't concerned with "whether PA has a grand theory to explain everything". He/she needs to see how we convince him that block granting programs for poor people is not really helpful. And if we do, it's our job to make sure that people navigate through system and get what they need to get. 

Public Administration is in true sense for me, is to run the government. And yes, while running this crazy big machine called, democracy, we have to work with private sector, non-profit sector, international organizations  and countries and people. If Lincoln's definition of the democracy is still believed Government of the people, by the people, for the people,  then as PA scholars what we need to do is to understand how well we can do it. There is no best way, no grand theory, no ultimate solution to any public issue. After all, we don't need an true identity, what we need is a way to make it a little easy for the citizens to live their lives :-)

I have been reading recently a lot about how young generation in the US is losing faith. These articles then cite studies from Pew research about how people affiliate to religions. I take an issue with this data analysis that is used to show that if you don't affiliate with any religion, you have no faith. I object, My Lord. Faith and religion are two completely different concepts. They do overlap but they are not one and the same. I think this might be an issue of organized religion as against non-organized faith systems. I grew up in India and being a Hindu requires pretty much nothing of your time. I am a Hindu and it has nothing to do with whether I attend temple or perform rituals or call someone my Savior. For me, being raised a Hindu is about learning to live life in a certain way. As many say, Hinduism is a way of life. But I digress.

I am a person of faith and I am very happy to call myself a person of faith. My faith has helped me through difficult times and even in my everyday life, praying is important to me. But I don't much care about the religion and the litany of rituals and "ought to be"s that come along with it. I have always questioned man-made traditions. If you tell me, I can or can't do this because of religious reason; I need you to give me a rational explanation and then I will brood and think over it to see whether I agree. But I don't care for pulling "religion" to define and discuss everything.

I believe faith is divine and religion is man made. As a student of Public Administration, I see religion as a fantastic case of bureaucracy where hierarchy and rules are set in place to keep the organizations working. Whatever you call, God/Lord/Divine power doesn't need an organization to do his bidding. I don't care for extravagant festivals and the copious amounts of money spent on these festivals in the name of faith. But I have my faith. As I would joke around about my faith "It's between me and God, mutually consenting adults" and it's true. What connection I have with my God is completely personal and very intimate. It's hard to explain or discuss or argue about. My faith has always been source of energy for me. The conscious feeling of the divine, is a life force for me. The philosophy is must for me. But again, I do not care for religion. 

I am sure there are many people like me who have strong sense of faith and divine but do not affiliate with any religion. I would say, may be we are losing religion. And after a dismal organizational performance for about 2000 years, it's rational to do so. But religions may come and go, divine still remains. As one of the characters from a novel I read few years ago says, " I don't know any religion. All I know is my God".

Valentine Shmalentine

Today is Valentine's Day. A holiday created by the Hallmark and Archies in India. The most ridiculous, overtly advertised and overtly ostentatious display of love! I absolutely despise  V-day or any other day that tells you that you need to express your love on a certain day, using certain methods and to a certain person (significant other). And yes, the man has to shower the woman with most cheesy gifts (chocolates, flowers, heart shaped-balloons etc). Can this be any more patriarchal? Why is that the man take leads, kneels down to express his sentiments and the woman has to say "Yes". I hate this sh** and don't get me wrong. I think love is a wonderful feeling and if you can find it, you are very lucky. But then why these cliche displays of love. Good lord! V-day makes me absolutely angry about these societal definitions of role plays and even in 21st century a woman is "damsel in distress" who needs to be rescued by a knight in shining armor, through love. 

I am not against love but I am against the traditional definitions and expectations of love. Why do I have to celebrate or show love on one day or only show it to the man? I choose not to do that. I show my love all year long to all people in my life. I don't need a "day" to tell them how much I care. All the men and women in my life are loved and wanted. And I don't need flowers to say that out loud. Being with these wonderful people and thinking about them everyday and participating in each other's lives; is how I express my love. And why does love have to be romantic only to be expressed on V day? This V-day I am going out to watch Vagina Monologues with my girlfriends, whom I love and cherish all the time. 

We need to get over labels, of love, romance and gender roles. "Love actually is everywhere" and we don't need a day or a reason to celebrate it in a certain way. I celebrate it everyday by just knowing that these wonderful people exists and are a part of my life. So no thank you V-Day, I don't need you or your flowers to know that I am loved and cherished!

Sex and the City Revisted

Yesterday was the 15th anniversary of Sex and the City. Yes, it's been 15 years since, the show aired on HBO. Thought it seems like yesterday. I did not start watching it quite later though. In India, I have heard about it but at that time I was quite young and of course, HBO scandalizing shows were not the list "to watch".

When I started following the show in Atlanta first, I did not like it immediately. I thought it was an OK show and wondered why it was a phenomenon. But as I kept watching, the show grew on me. I started enjoying the fashion, the quick witty humor, Charlotte's hopeless romantic imagery and Miranda's sarcasm. I used to hate Samantha for who she was. But now I am a woman in her 30s, I see the show in a different light. Of course, I don't condone all of the amorous activities of the girls, but I get it much better now than I used to.

30 something, powerful, independent women and their problems of finding a strong relationship is an interesting topic. I know many 30 somethings now, who really can't find a great match. Probably given their vivaciousness and independence, men may be scared to be with them. Who knows :-) Am not discounting men, but I get the appeal of being single and independent and very close to your girlfriends. A woman her 30s is so attractive and powerful that men may be mesmerized but still sort of reluctant of being with her. As Samantha says "women are for friendships and men are for f****" , in a way I get it.

I know many many of these, smart, independent, high achievers, strong and spunky women, that I am thankful that they are my friends. There is always a debate about SATC. Men hate it, not all but most. Well, it probably did not do much for women's liberation, but what it showed was a growing section of these fantastic women, whom men can only get in part.

Being a 30 something, who knows other 30 somethings, SATC gave me a sense of my own strength. So to all my fantastic girlfriends, whether you wear Manolos or not, whether you follow fashion or not, whether you drink Cosmo or not, you are always the kickass woman who literally change the world, everyday. And yes, that's what SATC means to me :-)