I am cramming like a mad for PA and policy exams. And as I read and think about all the PA issues, some of the thoughts I can't ignore. I don't know why we keep saying that there is "Identity crisis" in PA. Are we political science or Policy studies or who are we? I personally think, given my very limited understanding of the field; we don't need to have this crisis. PA is after all an applied field. We are not Physics or Economics. We are in business of running this crazy, mad machine called the Government. We have a federalist system and how we can best navigate it, is the best question for me to think about it. Layers of government, exceedingly complex problems and always limited resources (Econ here :-)). In the midst of all these changing issues, we are trying the best we can to make sure the democracy keeps running.

It is not possible to build a grand theory of PA, I think. We need to borrow from Economics, Sociology, Political Science, Anthropology, Statistics, Psychology and everything else we need to. If we study terrorism, we need to understand religious studies also. If we study low income population, we need to understand behavioral psychology. As PA scholars and students, it's our job is to adapt and change but still remain close to democratic and constitutional values. A politician or the real decision maker, isn't concerned with "whether PA has a grand theory to explain everything". He/she needs to see how we convince him that block granting programs for poor people is not really helpful. And if we do, it's our job to make sure that people navigate through system and get what they need to get. 

Public Administration is in true sense for me, is to run the government. And yes, while running this crazy big machine called, democracy, we have to work with private sector, non-profit sector, international organizations  and countries and people. If Lincoln's definition of the democracy is still believed Government of the people, by the people, for the people,  then as PA scholars what we need to do is to understand how well we can do it. There is no best way, no grand theory, no ultimate solution to any public issue. After all, we don't need an true identity, what we need is a way to make it a little easy for the citizens to live their lives :-)

I have been reading recently a lot about how young generation in the US is losing faith. These articles then cite studies from Pew research about how people affiliate to religions. I take an issue with this data analysis that is used to show that if you don't affiliate with any religion, you have no faith. I object, My Lord. Faith and religion are two completely different concepts. They do overlap but they are not one and the same. I think this might be an issue of organized religion as against non-organized faith systems. I grew up in India and being a Hindu requires pretty much nothing of your time. I am a Hindu and it has nothing to do with whether I attend temple or perform rituals or call someone my Savior. For me, being raised a Hindu is about learning to live life in a certain way. As many say, Hinduism is a way of life. But I digress.

I am a person of faith and I am very happy to call myself a person of faith. My faith has helped me through difficult times and even in my everyday life, praying is important to me. But I don't much care about the religion and the litany of rituals and "ought to be"s that come along with it. I have always questioned man-made traditions. If you tell me, I can or can't do this because of religious reason; I need you to give me a rational explanation and then I will brood and think over it to see whether I agree. But I don't care for pulling "religion" to define and discuss everything.

I believe faith is divine and religion is man made. As a student of Public Administration, I see religion as a fantastic case of bureaucracy where hierarchy and rules are set in place to keep the organizations working. Whatever you call, God/Lord/Divine power doesn't need an organization to do his bidding. I don't care for extravagant festivals and the copious amounts of money spent on these festivals in the name of faith. But I have my faith. As I would joke around about my faith "It's between me and God, mutually consenting adults" and it's true. What connection I have with my God is completely personal and very intimate. It's hard to explain or discuss or argue about. My faith has always been source of energy for me. The conscious feeling of the divine, is a life force for me. The philosophy is must for me. But again, I do not care for religion. 

I am sure there are many people like me who have strong sense of faith and divine but do not affiliate with any religion. I would say, may be we are losing religion. And after a dismal organizational performance for about 2000 years, it's rational to do so. But religions may come and go, divine still remains. As one of the characters from a novel I read few years ago says, " I don't know any religion. All I know is my God".

Valentine Shmalentine

Today is Valentine's Day. A holiday created by the Hallmark and Archies in India. The most ridiculous, overtly advertised and overtly ostentatious display of love! I absolutely despise  V-day or any other day that tells you that you need to express your love on a certain day, using certain methods and to a certain person (significant other). And yes, the man has to shower the woman with most cheesy gifts (chocolates, flowers, heart shaped-balloons etc). Can this be any more patriarchal? Why is that the man take leads, kneels down to express his sentiments and the woman has to say "Yes". I hate this sh** and don't get me wrong. I think love is a wonderful feeling and if you can find it, you are very lucky. But then why these cliche displays of love. Good lord! V-day makes me absolutely angry about these societal definitions of role plays and even in 21st century a woman is "damsel in distress" who needs to be rescued by a knight in shining armor, through love. 

I am not against love but I am against the traditional definitions and expectations of love. Why do I have to celebrate or show love on one day or only show it to the man? I choose not to do that. I show my love all year long to all people in my life. I don't need a "day" to tell them how much I care. All the men and women in my life are loved and wanted. And I don't need flowers to say that out loud. Being with these wonderful people and thinking about them everyday and participating in each other's lives; is how I express my love. And why does love have to be romantic only to be expressed on V day? This V-day I am going out to watch Vagina Monologues with my girlfriends, whom I love and cherish all the time. 

We need to get over labels, of love, romance and gender roles. "Love actually is everywhere" and we don't need a day or a reason to celebrate it in a certain way. I celebrate it everyday by just knowing that these wonderful people exists and are a part of my life. So no thank you V-Day, I don't need you or your flowers to know that I am loved and cherished!

Sex and the City Revisted

Yesterday was the 15th anniversary of Sex and the City. Yes, it's been 15 years since, the show aired on HBO. Thought it seems like yesterday. I did not start watching it quite later though. In India, I have heard about it but at that time I was quite young and of course, HBO scandalizing shows were not the list "to watch".

When I started following the show in Atlanta first, I did not like it immediately. I thought it was an OK show and wondered why it was a phenomenon. But as I kept watching, the show grew on me. I started enjoying the fashion, the quick witty humor, Charlotte's hopeless romantic imagery and Miranda's sarcasm. I used to hate Samantha for who she was. But now I am a woman in her 30s, I see the show in a different light. Of course, I don't condone all of the amorous activities of the girls, but I get it much better now than I used to.

30 something, powerful, independent women and their problems of finding a strong relationship is an interesting topic. I know many 30 somethings now, who really can't find a great match. Probably given their vivaciousness and independence, men may be scared to be with them. Who knows :-) Am not discounting men, but I get the appeal of being single and independent and very close to your girlfriends. A woman her 30s is so attractive and powerful that men may be mesmerized but still sort of reluctant of being with her. As Samantha says "women are for friendships and men are for f****" , in a way I get it.

I know many many of these, smart, independent, high achievers, strong and spunky women, that I am thankful that they are my friends. There is always a debate about SATC. Men hate it, not all but most. Well, it probably did not do much for women's liberation, but what it showed was a growing section of these fantastic women, whom men can only get in part.

Being a 30 something, who knows other 30 somethings, SATC gave me a sense of my own strength. So to all my fantastic girlfriends, whether you wear Manolos or not, whether you follow fashion or not, whether you drink Cosmo or not, you are always the kickass woman who literally change the world, everyday. And yes, that's what SATC means to me :-)

Dance with Me

Have you seen the Tango scene from "Take the Lead"? If not, do it right now. If you don't get swiped by it, I will lose anything. That's my all time favorite choreography and I watch it everyday. Dance, just by watching it takes me to the seventh heaven. If you love dancing as much as I do, you know what I am talking about.

I love to dance and choreograph. Dancing is like a drug to me or should I say the never ending trip to the heaven. It makes me feel powerful, amazing, relaxed and happy. I dance when I am sad, I dance when I am happy. In every moment of my life, I feel like dancing. When I was learning classical dance in India, it was the best time in my life. I used to wait for weekends when I could go practice and learn. It was exhausting and exhilarating, the same time. As soon as I hear music, I can't stop. I just put on my dancing shoes and I dance.

I have always been like this. Some people do drugs, I do dance :-) I find peace and solace in dancing. Every time life throws a curve ball and I can't hit it, I know I will find my pinch-hitter in dancing. When I dance, I forget everything. It doesn't matter if I am at club or on stage or at someone's home; all I can feel is music and me moving with it. Dance takes away all inhibitions, worries and frustrations. It provides only pleasure. Every type of dance classical, folk, ballroom, south american and so on an so forth. has its unique style and experience. Dancing with someone is equally beautiful. If you are game, I will take you out for a dance :-)

In my family, we all dance. Of course we are not Madhuri Dixits or Prabhudevas but we love to tap our feet to the music. I guess, dancing together with friends and family brings you closer in a wonderful way. Age, gender nothing matters. All matters is you response to the music. I have may friends who are not great dancers but are very enthusiastic dancers. I admire that. You don't have to be Michael Jackson to enjoy your time on the floor. To enjoy it, all you have to do is put your heart in it and you will find the place where you have never been before.

For some reason, many of my male friends shy away from floor. I tell them, 'just do it once and you will realize what you are missing'. I dance like no one is watching, and you do it too. To all my single male friends, girls like guys who dance. So even if you are no Gene Kelly, get your grove and you will find the 'magic'.

Dancing is sensuous and beautiful. And only if you dance, you know the difference between sensuality and vulgarity. As Antonio Banderas says in "Take the Lead" , "Your daughters will learn how to trust a man and you sons will learn how to touch a woman, respectfully". That's the beauty of dance. I find my freedom while dancing. May be you will find something too. So will you dance with me?

Man enough??

I just finished reading NY Times post about whether today's men are manly enoughAre modern men manly enough? That totally got me thinking about whole concept of manly man. Some of the author their have view of traditional masculine roles and how having them makes someone manly and of course the whole new change that the new century brought in form of "Metrosexual" man. While I do agree with some traditional notions, I do get the metrosexuality too. But I agree with Lawrence Scholassman when he says" being manly is lifestyle." So true.

With new era, we have changed the definitions of gender roles. I don't care about a man who can kill a deer or fix a tire and show no emotions, whatsoever ( Well , nothing wrong with either of those activities. But if you think that's what makes you a man, then 'sigh') . I think for me masculinity is about taking charge of one's life and destiny. And anyone; man or woman can be man enough if they do it. Like any other girl, I have seen my father as the manly man. He would lift things, do the traditional man-jobs but I have seen him buying groceries and help mom in kitchen. I have seen him put oil in my hair, talk about everything and share food (or should I say, eat what I did not eat) and show emotions while watching "White Christmas". I think he is the man's man. Growing up, I have seen traditional men doing nothing at home except sitting in front of television and ordering wife around, and saying "I can't do this, because I am a man". Phew! 

 As I made many friends (boys) over the years, I saw them taking charge of their lives and yet being sensible, sensitive and accepting things like they cry when no one is looking. I adore that. Accept that you have a heart and a brain and at times you need someone to tell you "it's ok". Man traditionally, a provider, needs someone to provide for him too. And not just money and food but love and affection and friendship and laughter. I think men who get it, are real men. I have seen V doing everything at home and not even thinking about it as something "not manly enough". I have a friend who admits that he is scared of spiders and lets me kill them :-) But all these boys I know, are funny, sensible and thoughtful. I think they are very masculine. I think being a man is about accepting who you are. For me, being a man, is about doing your own thinking and acting on it and taking responsibility. Whether you do it with a chainsaw in your hand or a cooking pan; doesn't matter. 

Of course, sometimes I think these days some men are into a little too much grooming. I have seen men with perfect tan, and nails and amazingly coordinated outfits. I find it a little over the top. But as long as they are "man enough" to admit that they enjoy it; I support them. I think being a man is so much more about being a good human being. If you are a good person, I don't care if you cried on your wedding day or had a new haircut at the spa or got your nails done or bought a pink shirt. In my book, you are a "Man".

I love getting a haircut. I have always been the "short hair" girl since I was a child. Of course, few years ago I decided to give it a shot and grow my hair out. Well, the experiment was not too unsuccessful as I could grow them out; but then again it's just not me. So I decided to chop them off and I might the first bride in history who chopped off her hair just one day before the wedding. Reason, I just like the feeling to being light. Oh yes, cutting them off makes me feel light and happy. :-)

I don't visit salons often and I don't visit them to do anything else but to cut my hair. For a while I wanted to look like Mariska Hargitay (whom I admire a lot but no way I am as gorgeous as her). So I tried different styles she had. From bob to spikes! It was an experimentation phase and I was having way too much fun with that. In fact I realized, I can carry spikes pretty well. Of course, I need to be a little more enthusiastic everyday to work on hair and apply the products. But the spike was quite fun and I was told in DMV office to get the new ID picture with the new cut since I looked 'very cute' (blushing :-)!) . I was in Mariska phase in Arizona. When I moved to A2; it was a little different. I found a really great place that cater to the clients the best. They are all young stylists, funny, good at their work and of course not too expensive. So I decided I will do something else again. This time I wanted to look like Ellen Degenres (again, not as amazing as her but nevertheless) So I cut them short short. And it was quite fantastic. I felt light and cool. What's it about hair that changes your perspective about yourself? My stylist told me that I should probably get some funky hair color. But I was not sure of that. I told her I will do that if I go back to school. Professionally, it doesn't look good. But still changing hair again made me feel fantastic. 

I think like your clothes and shoes, your hair speak a lot about yourself. For some reason, all the powerful and strong women I admire, have short hair. Somehow for me "short hair = strong woman". And of course, short hair means less work every day. You can just wash and wear. For me short hair also means I rebel. There may not be a relation between what I feel and how I look but it makes me feel strong and different. These days I am in Cate Blanchett phase (again I love her and admire her fantastic work). All my role models are strong, successful and independent women who carry themselves so well that even with simple jeans and a casual haircut they announce their presence. May be I will be like them one day but for now I will take the Hair :-)