I am what can be called a "Type A", workaholic individual. I love my work and in last two and half years I have consumed countless amounts of alcohol and caffeine to keep working. That has led to some good research work, some good conference presentations and upcoming research ideas.However, that has also led to many mental breakdowns, sleepless nights, exhaustion and questioning my ability to do any good work.

And this is not just me. Many of my incredibly smart and hard working friends and colleagues have been through the same or even going through the same. I am very proud to be in a country that focuses so much on work and achievements but at the same time, looking at myself and my friends, I keep asking the real question "When do I live?" Work is important and I want to work and be productive and contribute a drop of knowledge as long as I live. But while doing it, I realize that all I think about and worry about is work. A very wise colleague of mine once told me, no one cares if you kill yourself over work. There is always someone to replace you. So what you have to do create and maintain your own boundaries.

The real question is, how do I do that? Sometimes I say, what I produce is not really changing the world or saving lives or solving any of the world problems. But then why do I feel this constant need to give 110% and prefer work over my own sanity and life? I am struggling to find answer to this question. I love my family and friends but I can recall numerous times,when I have chosen a deadline over seeing them or talking to them. I am always ON. Even at my own party, I couldn't stop thinking about the enormous amounts of reading and work I had to finish the next day. I think, my work is made me live only in the "office" and not in my own life. I dream about work and forget everything when it's on line. I feel if I fail to succeed at a single deadline, that's the end of my life. This is a terrible situation. I am constantly stressed and worried that I am not ""good enough or working hard enough".

If I succeed in one project, the next one is on the line and I can't enjoy success of my own work. I think this is the outcome of my workaholic nature or my own need to be constantly successful at work. Everything else, doesn't matter. Work-life balance is important but are we creating a situation where it's impossible to have one. I don't know the answer to this question but what I know is something needs to be done. After all, work is a part of life and not the entirety of it.

My friend recently posted a very disturbing article on FB about overtly sexual and violent ads. On the eve of Halloween, I had a very similar conversation with my girls about Sexy Halloween costumes. As a woman and a feminist, I am very disturbed with this trend of constantly sexualizing women everywhere. Why can't we not do that?

Advertising world says, sex sells. But at what cost? Do we want our daughters to feel small, meaningless and hopeless in the ad world where all models are size 0, probably unhealthy and overtly modified on magazine overs? I am all about sensuality and enjoying the creativity and art in intimacy; in and out of bedroom. However, there is a very distinct line between sensuality and outright crass, on your face nudity. If the creative genius can only think about a naked woman, dominated by few men, as means to titillate consumers to buy a pair of jeans; he is not really a creative genius.

Why do we have to show women as helpless, damsels in distress; when we are conquering world? Intimate partner violence is a serious issue and not to be used a method to attract customers for a f**** perfume. And what exactly, such ads are saying? Hey, look if you wear this, you can rape a woman and she would be fine? I am utterly upset and disappointed in this so called creativity.

Why is Halloween, "be a slut" card for women? If it's a fun costume, why don't we see those options for women? Why does she have to be sexy "anything" (put anything, literally). It saddens me that in 21st century, when women are leaders and creators and owners, we still need to show them as Barbie dolls, who need a man? (We don't need a man, we want one :-), choice :-)). It saddens me, that in a world, where we praise Malalas of the worlds, we still want to send message to our daughters "you are inferior sex", in one way or the other.

Here is a suggestion for the ad world, why don't you show, a real woman who wears a pair of jeans and works on the farm?? Or a woman who wears your perfume and hugs her students in Kindergarten? Or a woman, who uses your ketchup and enjoys the fries with her friends?? Because, a real woman does all of this using all these products, for the people she cares about.

And as for Halloween, next year I am dressing up as Hillary Clinton! Because that's a real, tough woman who is far more sexy to me than your "sexy nurse" :-)

I have been meaning to write this blog for a long time now. This post is for all the incredible women I know, met and see on the streets of Washington, DC all the time.

Women rock the world. Period. I have been around the most amazing women all my life. But in past two years, since I moved to DC, I have come across exceptional women and I am in awe of them. These women I met in graduate school, at conferences, in metro, at coffee shops, friends of friends and at work. In short, literally everywhere. They are incredibly smart and by that I mean not only they are book-smart, they are intellectuals. They are straight forward, clear thinkers, know what they want, dashing and just overall power houses. They come from all over the US and from different parts of the world. They speak few languages, they have clear ideas about "feminism", they care about their work and very passionate about "making a difference". Many of them have been through terrible life experiences. But they literally say "try me" to every single bad situation that tries to kick them to the ground.

They are well traveled, well spoken, well dressed and are very comfortable with their sexuality. They have great sense of humor and they are not ashamed of laughing at themselves. These women are inspiration to me. Some of them are married, some single, some are mothers, teachers and educators. But mostly they are "women" who control their life. They take issues head on and not afraid to fail. They are survivors and conquerors. I am too lucky to count them in my life. They are constant source of energy and positive vibes.

They drive, lift heavy boxes, they write, cook and do everything. They are not afraid to be the "man" but at the same time, they are not afraid to rock a pair of red-pumps. They are strong, funny and live their lives to the fullest. I can't thank my fate enough, to have them in my life. I truly, am, blessed to have these rock-star girlfriends. 

I am cramming like a mad for PA and policy exams. And as I read and think about all the PA issues, some of the thoughts I can't ignore. I don't know why we keep saying that there is "Identity crisis" in PA. Are we political science or Policy studies or who are we? I personally think, given my very limited understanding of the field; we don't need to have this crisis. PA is after all an applied field. We are not Physics or Economics. We are in business of running this crazy, mad machine called the Government. We have a federalist system and how we can best navigate it, is the best question for me to think about it. Layers of government, exceedingly complex problems and always limited resources (Econ here :-)). In the midst of all these changing issues, we are trying the best we can to make sure the democracy keeps running.

It is not possible to build a grand theory of PA, I think. We need to borrow from Economics, Sociology, Political Science, Anthropology, Statistics, Psychology and everything else we need to. If we study terrorism, we need to understand religious studies also. If we study low income population, we need to understand behavioral psychology. As PA scholars and students, it's our job is to adapt and change but still remain close to democratic and constitutional values. A politician or the real decision maker, isn't concerned with "whether PA has a grand theory to explain everything". He/she needs to see how we convince him that block granting programs for poor people is not really helpful. And if we do, it's our job to make sure that people navigate through system and get what they need to get. 

Public Administration is in true sense for me, is to run the government. And yes, while running this crazy big machine called, democracy, we have to work with private sector, non-profit sector, international organizations  and countries and people. If Lincoln's definition of the democracy is still believed Government of the people, by the people, for the people,  then as PA scholars what we need to do is to understand how well we can do it. There is no best way, no grand theory, no ultimate solution to any public issue. After all, we don't need an true identity, what we need is a way to make it a little easy for the citizens to live their lives :-)

I have been reading recently a lot about how young generation in the US is losing faith. These articles then cite studies from Pew research about how people affiliate to religions. I take an issue with this data analysis that is used to show that if you don't affiliate with any religion, you have no faith. I object, My Lord. Faith and religion are two completely different concepts. They do overlap but they are not one and the same. I think this might be an issue of organized religion as against non-organized faith systems. I grew up in India and being a Hindu requires pretty much nothing of your time. I am a Hindu and it has nothing to do with whether I attend temple or perform rituals or call someone my Savior. For me, being raised a Hindu is about learning to live life in a certain way. As many say, Hinduism is a way of life. But I digress.

I am a person of faith and I am very happy to call myself a person of faith. My faith has helped me through difficult times and even in my everyday life, praying is important to me. But I don't much care about the religion and the litany of rituals and "ought to be"s that come along with it. I have always questioned man-made traditions. If you tell me, I can or can't do this because of religious reason; I need you to give me a rational explanation and then I will brood and think over it to see whether I agree. But I don't care for pulling "religion" to define and discuss everything.

I believe faith is divine and religion is man made. As a student of Public Administration, I see religion as a fantastic case of bureaucracy where hierarchy and rules are set in place to keep the organizations working. Whatever you call, God/Lord/Divine power doesn't need an organization to do his bidding. I don't care for extravagant festivals and the copious amounts of money spent on these festivals in the name of faith. But I have my faith. As I would joke around about my faith "It's between me and God, mutually consenting adults" and it's true. What connection I have with my God is completely personal and very intimate. It's hard to explain or discuss or argue about. My faith has always been source of energy for me. The conscious feeling of the divine, is a life force for me. The philosophy is must for me. But again, I do not care for religion. 

I am sure there are many people like me who have strong sense of faith and divine but do not affiliate with any religion. I would say, may be we are losing religion. And after a dismal organizational performance for about 2000 years, it's rational to do so. But religions may come and go, divine still remains. As one of the characters from a novel I read few years ago says, " I don't know any religion. All I know is my God".

Valentine Shmalentine

Today is Valentine's Day. A holiday created by the Hallmark and Archies in India. The most ridiculous, overtly advertised and overtly ostentatious display of love! I absolutely despise  V-day or any other day that tells you that you need to express your love on a certain day, using certain methods and to a certain person (significant other). And yes, the man has to shower the woman with most cheesy gifts (chocolates, flowers, heart shaped-balloons etc). Can this be any more patriarchal? Why is that the man take leads, kneels down to express his sentiments and the woman has to say "Yes". I hate this sh** and don't get me wrong. I think love is a wonderful feeling and if you can find it, you are very lucky. But then why these cliche displays of love. Good lord! V-day makes me absolutely angry about these societal definitions of role plays and even in 21st century a woman is "damsel in distress" who needs to be rescued by a knight in shining armor, through love. 

I am not against love but I am against the traditional definitions and expectations of love. Why do I have to celebrate or show love on one day or only show it to the man? I choose not to do that. I show my love all year long to all people in my life. I don't need a "day" to tell them how much I care. All the men and women in my life are loved and wanted. And I don't need flowers to say that out loud. Being with these wonderful people and thinking about them everyday and participating in each other's lives; is how I express my love. And why does love have to be romantic only to be expressed on V day? This V-day I am going out to watch Vagina Monologues with my girlfriends, whom I love and cherish all the time. 

We need to get over labels, of love, romance and gender roles. "Love actually is everywhere" and we don't need a day or a reason to celebrate it in a certain way. I celebrate it everyday by just knowing that these wonderful people exists and are a part of my life. So no thank you V-Day, I don't need you or your flowers to know that I am loved and cherished!

Sex and the City Revisted

Yesterday was the 15th anniversary of Sex and the City. Yes, it's been 15 years since, the show aired on HBO. Thought it seems like yesterday. I did not start watching it quite later though. In India, I have heard about it but at that time I was quite young and of course, HBO scandalizing shows were not the list "to watch".

When I started following the show in Atlanta first, I did not like it immediately. I thought it was an OK show and wondered why it was a phenomenon. But as I kept watching, the show grew on me. I started enjoying the fashion, the quick witty humor, Charlotte's hopeless romantic imagery and Miranda's sarcasm. I used to hate Samantha for who she was. But now I am a woman in her 30s, I see the show in a different light. Of course, I don't condone all of the amorous activities of the girls, but I get it much better now than I used to.

30 something, powerful, independent women and their problems of finding a strong relationship is an interesting topic. I know many 30 somethings now, who really can't find a great match. Probably given their vivaciousness and independence, men may be scared to be with them. Who knows :-) Am not discounting men, but I get the appeal of being single and independent and very close to your girlfriends. A woman her 30s is so attractive and powerful that men may be mesmerized but still sort of reluctant of being with her. As Samantha says "women are for friendships and men are for f****" , in a way I get it.

I know many many of these, smart, independent, high achievers, strong and spunky women, that I am thankful that they are my friends. There is always a debate about SATC. Men hate it, not all but most. Well, it probably did not do much for women's liberation, but what it showed was a growing section of these fantastic women, whom men can only get in part.

Being a 30 something, who knows other 30 somethings, SATC gave me a sense of my own strength. So to all my fantastic girlfriends, whether you wear Manolos or not, whether you follow fashion or not, whether you drink Cosmo or not, you are always the kickass woman who literally change the world, everyday. And yes, that's what SATC means to me :-)

Dance with Me

Have you seen the Tango scene from "Take the Lead"? If not, do it right now. If you don't get swiped by it, I will lose anything. That's my all time favorite choreography and I watch it everyday. Dance, just by watching it takes me to the seventh heaven. If you love dancing as much as I do, you know what I am talking about.

I love to dance and choreograph. Dancing is like a drug to me or should I say the never ending trip to the heaven. It makes me feel powerful, amazing, relaxed and happy. I dance when I am sad, I dance when I am happy. In every moment of my life, I feel like dancing. When I was learning classical dance in India, it was the best time in my life. I used to wait for weekends when I could go practice and learn. It was exhausting and exhilarating, the same time. As soon as I hear music, I can't stop. I just put on my dancing shoes and I dance.

I have always been like this. Some people do drugs, I do dance :-) I find peace and solace in dancing. Every time life throws a curve ball and I can't hit it, I know I will find my pinch-hitter in dancing. When I dance, I forget everything. It doesn't matter if I am at club or on stage or at someone's home; all I can feel is music and me moving with it. Dance takes away all inhibitions, worries and frustrations. It provides only pleasure. Every type of dance classical, folk, ballroom, south american and so on an so forth. has its unique style and experience. Dancing with someone is equally beautiful. If you are game, I will take you out for a dance :-)

In my family, we all dance. Of course we are not Madhuri Dixits or Prabhudevas but we love to tap our feet to the music. I guess, dancing together with friends and family brings you closer in a wonderful way. Age, gender nothing matters. All matters is you response to the music. I have may friends who are not great dancers but are very enthusiastic dancers. I admire that. You don't have to be Michael Jackson to enjoy your time on the floor. To enjoy it, all you have to do is put your heart in it and you will find the place where you have never been before.

For some reason, many of my male friends shy away from floor. I tell them, 'just do it once and you will realize what you are missing'. I dance like no one is watching, and you do it too. To all my single male friends, girls like guys who dance. So even if you are no Gene Kelly, get your grove and you will find the 'magic'.

Dancing is sensuous and beautiful. And only if you dance, you know the difference between sensuality and vulgarity. As Antonio Banderas says in "Take the Lead" , "Your daughters will learn how to trust a man and you sons will learn how to touch a woman, respectfully". That's the beauty of dance. I find my freedom while dancing. May be you will find something too. So will you dance with me?

Man enough??

I just finished reading NY Times post about whether today's men are manly enoughAre modern men manly enough? That totally got me thinking about whole concept of manly man. Some of the author their have view of traditional masculine roles and how having them makes someone manly and of course the whole new change that the new century brought in form of "Metrosexual" man. While I do agree with some traditional notions, I do get the metrosexuality too. But I agree with Lawrence Scholassman when he says" being manly is lifestyle." So true.

With new era, we have changed the definitions of gender roles. I don't care about a man who can kill a deer or fix a tire and show no emotions, whatsoever ( Well , nothing wrong with either of those activities. But if you think that's what makes you a man, then 'sigh') . I think for me masculinity is about taking charge of one's life and destiny. And anyone; man or woman can be man enough if they do it. Like any other girl, I have seen my father as the manly man. He would lift things, do the traditional man-jobs but I have seen him buying groceries and help mom in kitchen. I have seen him put oil in my hair, talk about everything and share food (or should I say, eat what I did not eat) and show emotions while watching "White Christmas". I think he is the man's man. Growing up, I have seen traditional men doing nothing at home except sitting in front of television and ordering wife around, and saying "I can't do this, because I am a man". Phew! 

 As I made many friends (boys) over the years, I saw them taking charge of their lives and yet being sensible, sensitive and accepting things like they cry when no one is looking. I adore that. Accept that you have a heart and a brain and at times you need someone to tell you "it's ok". Man traditionally, a provider, needs someone to provide for him too. And not just money and food but love and affection and friendship and laughter. I think men who get it, are real men. I have seen V doing everything at home and not even thinking about it as something "not manly enough". I have a friend who admits that he is scared of spiders and lets me kill them :-) But all these boys I know, are funny, sensible and thoughtful. I think they are very masculine. I think being a man is about accepting who you are. For me, being a man, is about doing your own thinking and acting on it and taking responsibility. Whether you do it with a chainsaw in your hand or a cooking pan; doesn't matter. 

Of course, sometimes I think these days some men are into a little too much grooming. I have seen men with perfect tan, and nails and amazingly coordinated outfits. I find it a little over the top. But as long as they are "man enough" to admit that they enjoy it; I support them. I think being a man is so much more about being a good human being. If you are a good person, I don't care if you cried on your wedding day or had a new haircut at the spa or got your nails done or bought a pink shirt. In my book, you are a "Man".

I love getting a haircut. I have always been the "short hair" girl since I was a child. Of course, few years ago I decided to give it a shot and grow my hair out. Well, the experiment was not too unsuccessful as I could grow them out; but then again it's just not me. So I decided to chop them off and I might the first bride in history who chopped off her hair just one day before the wedding. Reason, I just like the feeling to being light. Oh yes, cutting them off makes me feel light and happy. :-)

I don't visit salons often and I don't visit them to do anything else but to cut my hair. For a while I wanted to look like Mariska Hargitay (whom I admire a lot but no way I am as gorgeous as her). So I tried different styles she had. From bob to spikes! It was an experimentation phase and I was having way too much fun with that. In fact I realized, I can carry spikes pretty well. Of course, I need to be a little more enthusiastic everyday to work on hair and apply the products. But the spike was quite fun and I was told in DMV office to get the new ID picture with the new cut since I looked 'very cute' (blushing :-)!) . I was in Mariska phase in Arizona. When I moved to A2; it was a little different. I found a really great place that cater to the clients the best. They are all young stylists, funny, good at their work and of course not too expensive. So I decided I will do something else again. This time I wanted to look like Ellen Degenres (again, not as amazing as her but nevertheless) So I cut them short short. And it was quite fantastic. I felt light and cool. What's it about hair that changes your perspective about yourself? My stylist told me that I should probably get some funky hair color. But I was not sure of that. I told her I will do that if I go back to school. Professionally, it doesn't look good. But still changing hair again made me feel fantastic. 

I think like your clothes and shoes, your hair speak a lot about yourself. For some reason, all the powerful and strong women I admire, have short hair. Somehow for me "short hair = strong woman". And of course, short hair means less work every day. You can just wash and wear. For me short hair also means I rebel. There may not be a relation between what I feel and how I look but it makes me feel strong and different. These days I am in Cate Blanchett phase (again I love her and admire her fantastic work). All my role models are strong, successful and independent women who carry themselves so well that even with simple jeans and a casual haircut they announce their presence. May be I will be like them one day but for now I will take the Hair :-)

It's just the beginning

When you are born and brought up in India; there are certain milestones you are supposed to hit before 30. First, you are supposed to be an engineer or some sort of technical professional who brings home good amount of money (Thankfully this is changing rapidly as parents are becoming more and more supportive of wide career choices. So when I say technical career it's from my childhood days. However, this requirement is more or less true for a large section of population till date.) Secondly, you have to have a car, an apartment that you bought, and other material things that one needs at home. You should have a certain amount of bank balance, savings accounts and you must be on some sort of investment schedule. Thirdly, and probably the most important is you have to have a spouse and a child before you hit 30. When I look at these requirements I just say, LoL. How in the world is this supposed to happen when until you hit 30, you are sort of trying to grasp the vastness of the world and understand who you are.

Thank you America, for not having these deadlines for me. While talking to a friend few months ago, I realized that accomplishments as viewed by the society; are impossible to achieve before I hit 30. It took me 24 years to understand what I want to study and it took even more years to understand what I want to be when I grow up. And I use the phrase "Grow Up" seriously; because there is so much growing up to do even after one hits a certain age limit. Knowing who we are and what we want takes years than the society would allow us. But I am glad I took all that time to reach the point where I stand now.

Until I left home to come to US, I was a child. Literally. I did all academic studying but when it came to life experiences I has zero account credit. After living alone in a different country and in a completely different culture; I got to see things in new light. I took lot of time to realize what it was, I was looking for. Self realization takes time and we have to give that time. I still don't get the rush to finish everything before 30. I feel personally, it's a gestation period until 30. Then sort of we come to life. There are few exceptional people I know, who just knew who they were at a very early stage. But then most of us keep struggling for a long period of time before we reach a place where things get familiar. Unfortunately, many of my friends never got that chance of self-realization and now they just 'are'.

In spite of the reality of acute competition, I think we need to take a pause and realize "Hey, in the lifespan of 80/90 years, reaching 30 is just 1/3rd of the journey. Let's take a step back and see what I really want." I feel being 30, is just the beginning. Beginning of life as some sort of cognizant human being. I think being 30 is actually when one's journey as an adult begins. Until then we are just young-adults who can vote and drink and get married legally. But when it comes to understanding our potential, our dreams, our life; 30 is when we really become adults. 

So to all my friends, who turned 30 or will be turning 30 soon; Welcome to Life. It's pretty fantastic!

And here goes another episode of bullying. And this time it's a woman bus monitor.Karen Huff Klein. I could not watch more than 5 seconds of this horrible act, caught on video. The video now has gone viral and the community has shown great support for the woman, who is not only the resident of Greece, NY but also is a widow. As if being a widow is easy, that poor woman was taunted because of that. What's wrong with our children? When did they become so insensitive and cruel and psychopaths? Day after day, weeks after week, we read a news about some child committing suicide because of relentless bullying. And it need not be a gay child; he/she could be someone the others think to be different or weak and take great pleasure bullying. When did the children become so horrible?

Childhood, as I remember was the best time of my life. Everyone in my family went to a semi-public school and we had students from all economic and class backgrounds. But never in my life I remember the day when someone was looked down upon because she lacked a certain quality. Being a high-school student in India is all about getting fantastic grades and excelling in extracurricular activities. Even the divisions were set in a way to reflect the quality of students (like A would be all over 3.5 GPA and so on and so forth). This was actually much more deliberate division of students, according to their academic achievements. But as I remember the students from less academic achievement class, were good at so many other things (sports, paintings, music, dance) that we the "A" students never felt any different or at times may be lacking certain life qualities others had. I was into sports throughout school days and I made some great friends while playing with the team and of course they were not A students. In fact, I remember I once said something jokingly about someone's academic ability and I was reprimanded very strongly by the teacher. I am glad she did that. Never at my home, such "I am better than you because I am A students" behavior was encouraged. In fact, my parents were extremely cautious about not letting me and my sister fly high; no matter what.

Isn't this how it's supposed to be? Everyone is different but difference is what makes life so beautiful and enjoyable. Aren't we supposed to celebrate the differences? What's wrong with kids these days? I am not child educator or psychologist, but if children are on their way to be bullies; something is very wrong with the adults who are supposed to inculcate values. We all like to make fun of others and pull leg or react sarcastically but making someone so miserable that they choose a path of death or have a psychological breakdown; is not "making fun" it's "criminal". I know there are laws against such behavior but then where is the strict implementation? Something, somewhere is missing the mark. Parents, teachers; I don't know whom to blame. But this is a very serious problem.

Being a child should be the best part of life not the worse. And being a bully should be the worst part of once's life; not the best.

Today I cached up upon Satyamev Jayate episode I missed after coming back to US. This time it was about Honor Killings. First of all, honor killing sounds like an oxymoron. What kind of honor there will be in killing. Secondly, the issue of honor killing is about killing the couples who get married in a situation deemed undesirable for their families. So the family members end up killing those couples or one of them. Where is the honor in killing your own flesh and blood. All the stories featured on the show were extremely emotional and horrible. Some of the couples were lucky to be alive but still living in fear. Some of them got the worst of it. Then they had people from Harayanvai Khap panchayat to understand, what sort of Panchyata law is involved and if there is any legal right to the panchayats to carry on such practices (need not be killing but giving the decision whether the man and the woman can marry each other). It was all very backwards and in 21st century when APJ Abdul Kalam wants India to be superpower, what sort of social norms are we still thinking about and following?

I thought love conquers all. As long as they are mutually consenting adults; who is society and for that matter even close family to object and pass judgement. As the person from "Love Brigade" pointed out, it's about keeping the woman under the man's rule. If we let the women choose whom they marry; this extremely strong power just slips away. In fact the whole notion of marriage and the patriarchal system is about keeping the woman under the thumb. I am not for patriarchy but I can understand the system up to a certain limit but deciding who will live and die is not the desired outcome of such system.

Where are we going? What path are we following as a nation? We boast so much about The Indian Culture, Indian Values; where are these values when it comes to honor killings and shunning and rapes and female foeticide? I am so ashamed of my country right now. One would hope that these social issues will weed away over the period of time but it looks that they are becoming more and more common. And when will the society change? And when will the people/families of those couples will think? Just because someone is not following the so called tradition, kill him? And who decides what's the tradition anyways? It's just makes me extremely sad to think that  in a country that boasts to be one of the eldest civilizations in the world, people have forgotten how to be civilized. 

Someone would say nobody can do anything about it. But of course they can. We can start with our own families and communities and change their perspective. It will be a very long process but nonetheless we have to try. And of course government and legal system should make the sentences harsher and implement them. The perpetrators of these crime should dealt with a very strong hand. The legal system should make it a point that such crimes will not be tolerated. 

I hope the programs such as Satyamev Jayate will bring awareness about these issues and if it can change life of at least one person; I would say we are on right track.

White Christmas

I don't celebrate Christmas in its traditional sense. But I enjoy the festive feeling. Snow on the ground, smell of burning firewood in fire place, hot coffee; they are all joyful. Decorating Christmas tree and buying gifts could be fun too. Even though there is no other tradition for me per se, there is one tradition that I have been following since the year I landed in US. And that is "White Christmas".

I watch White Christmas every year on Christmas day and enjoy Bing Crosby and Danny Kay and their songs and dances and the simple deed they do for their General Waverly. I love that movie, it always makes me feel that there are good people out there who do simple things to bring others joy. I first watched this movie on my first Christmas night in US, all alone in apartment, just feeling down and depressed. I just switched on TV and White Christmas was being aired. I started watching it and was totally glued to the TV. I loved the movie like anything. I felt happy and rejuvenated. Though it was not a white Christmas in the city but it became in my heart. Since, then I follow the tradition every year and watch this wonderful and classic tale of Christmas.

What else does it mean to celebrate any holiday? We celebrate to bring happiness and realize that we are not alone. White Christmas will always remain my tradition and I hope it will become your too!

Culture is in your blood

I just started reading Anita Desai's novel "Fasting, Feasting". I just finished her daughter's novel last week, The Inheritance of Loss. I enjoyed that one a lot. While reading the current novel, it suddenly dawned on me that though I have been reading non-Indian authors, both contemporary and classic, I feel closer to Indian authors and the stories they write. Some of the stories written by Indian authors actually have no bearing on my life at all or their themes are completely different than my experiences, but just the people they portray and the stories they tell, both before and after independence, are just closer to my heart.I don't agree with all their thoughts all the time, but I can understand why they write those stories.

Culture is so much in our blood. When I read " In the Convent of Little Flowers" by Indu Sundaresan, I felt as if I know these people. The stories may be fictional but the people she writes about are somewhere to be seen in India. And in her Taj-Mahal trilogy, I could see the Mogul raj and the Kings and Queen of Mogul Raj, as if I have known them all my life. I feel closer to them than Tudors :-) It's just that I have heard these stories all my life. And without even realizing they became a part of my inheritance and cultural identity.

Culture is in our blood and we can't deny it. I love O. Henry and 'Cop and the Anthem' might one of my all time favorite story but still when I read Yayati, I know him much more closely. Wodehouse's Jeeves is out of this world but still Janoba Rege is closer to my heart. It's just that something that one is born and brought up with, one can hardly forget. The people, the stories, the streets and the fights are so relevant to me till this day, that may I read tons of novels, these Indian authors I will always find relevant.

We can not deny our culture and heritage. Even when living in this beautiful country that is a melting pot of all cultures, my heritage is always with me. I don't have to shout it out or say anything about it at all or even celebrate it, I just know it in my heart.

Well, I am closer to writers and novelists, I wonder how others feel it? I know Beethoven's concertos are like God's music but still in the morning I listen to Bhimsen Joshi, by default :-)

Fall is here. I can smell it in the air. Air smells clean, crisp and cool. The leaves are already falling on the ground and turning into magnificent reds and yellows. The wind is almost cold. But there is still sun-light. The mornings are wet though.
Of course, they are. It has been raining almost non-stop for two days. But even with so much rain, it is still beautiful and divine. I take a look outside my window and see leaves blowing and turning and then falling softly on the grass. Few chipmunks running amok on the grass trying to find treats. When I step outside, I smile. The cool breeze on my face makes me happy. I see people pulling on their jackets and joggers carefully zipping up their wind-cheaters. Then I realize, it is cold, it is Fall.

Back in the house, the hardwood floors are quite cool and I need to wear socks now. I pull on my sweater and then just put my hands under warm flowing water in the kitchen. It feels nice. I think about switching on the gas heater. But decide against it. I say to myself, I can handle few more days without heater. My spirits are high and I put a kettle of tea. Then I think, how lucky I am to enjoy this gorgeous weather. I have never enjoyed the cold weather, how foolish of me. It's OK to get cold and it's OK to feel the chill down to my bones; once in while. The light outside is different. It goes from dark mornings to sunny afternoons to even darker nights. Day light is getting shorter and shorter. Any time there will be dark afternoons now.

My kettle is done and I am sitting in the bed, with my warm comforter on my legs and Agatha Christie on my bed stand. I sip the tea and I enjoy Poirot's adventure. I realize how wonderful the life is. It's Fall and it is time to enjoy warm blanket, hot tea and cold weather.

A Small Town Girl at Heart

Pune, my city in India is no small town. A city with more than 3 million population, one of the biggest IT hubs in India, is crowded. Thankfully, when I was living in Pune, about 7 years ago it was not that crazy. And my home in Pune, is still at a quiet location. So my home definitely has a small town quiet feel. After moving to US, I landed up in Atlanta, another metro with millions of people. Though the county I lived in was a rich one, the apartment complex was not. So it has all its negatives including terrible apartments and crime. There was never a dull moment with criminals on lose and tenants enjoying music at 3am and of course smell of marijuana in the hallways. The school was in downtown Atlanta and must say I hated that area. I have seen way too much crime and heard about much more and I was done with big cities. And then I moved to Tempe.

Tempe is not exactly a small town but it is smaller compared to Phoenix. Tempe has the best of both worlds, all the educational and employment opportunities (ASU main campus is in Tempe) because it is in Phoenix metro area but a t the same time, the cozy feel of small town. We were in great terms with our neighbors. We would visit each other on Christmas, people would borrow things in kitchen and just come by to say "Hello". That's what I am talking about. Small town feel.

After living in Tempe for a while it was hard for me to adjust in DC (my all time favorite city in US) during my internship. I would tell V, that every time I open the door people are on my face. Tempe completely ruined me because of big streets and quite neighborhoods. I always thought how would I do in a big city? And then something beautiful happened. We moved to Ann Arbor, another small city but rich with culture. That's like a dream come true. I have all the amenities I need and with UMICH right at the corner, all the educational opportunities are there. There is always something to do. But without the chaos and crowds. I enjoy sitting outside and just looking at the birds and rabbits and occasional visitors like ducks and raccoons (racoons are visiting us more and more and they are a kind of mess and make much more )I enjoy the walks in downtown, visiting library and sometimes just hanging out in Borders. Even some of the Borders staff knows me now. I love this. I see people walking their dogs, they would stop and say "Hello" if they see you. Neighbors will help you if you need anything. It's wonderful. I like this cozy feeling.

I am definitely a small town girl at heart. Though I have lived in a big city, I always enjoyed the quiet times at my grandma's place in Saswad and now I get to enjoy this every day. I hope I land up in another beautiful town in future and enjoy the smell of air there!

Eating Beef

I have started eating beef. Yes, I finally did it. I have yet to explore the juicy stakes but nonetheless I am eating hot dogs and mind you I am loving them. Generally, people choose to go towards vegetarianism but I might be among the few who are heading towards "maukaterianism" (great phase I heard, meaning- eating anything you get at that moment). After being in US for almost 7 years, I strictly adhered to my preference of not eating beef. Nothing about religion per se, but since I am born and brought up in India, cows were holy to me. (When I told this to an American friend, he said only Indian cows are holy. American cows are tasty :-)) Jokes apart. But since a while I have been thinking about my eating habits and wondering why I had this mental block about beef and will it mean something if I eat it?

My family is not a vegetarian family. I ate meat since I was born. But of course, being in India meat was fish and chicken and occasionally mutton. I remember eating pork dogs once though. My mother started eating meat after she got married. She has a great attitude about it. She always says "I will try everything and if I don't like it, I won't eat it." I think this definitely influenced me when it came to trying different meats in US. But still I was particular about not eating beef. I had mistakenly had beef in chili since I had no clue what chili was. But knowingly I never ate it.

After thinking about it for a long time, I realized that I am unnecessarily restricting myself thinking that eating beef is bad. (It could be for health reasons, but my dilemma has been a moral one.) I eat pork and love then why not beef? It has nothing to do with God. I know that God doesn't care about what I eat. But still the cultural impact was so strong that at times I would urge V not to eat it. Now, I find that hilarious.

Even after enjoying pork and beef sausages I won't be eating it all the time. My diet still contains vegetables, fruits and white meat. But I want to expand my choices. Since I saw Julie and Julia, I wanted to eat Beef Bourguigno , Julia Child's Beef Bourguigno! Perhaps this prompted me to rethink about my "not eating beef mentality". As a food lover, I feel I should be open to all cuisines and foods to make my life richer and interesting.

So now since all you know about my new adventure, any suggestions for great first stake?

The Joneses

I just finished watching the movie "The Joneses" starring David Duvcohny and Demi Moore. And I must say, I am surprised in a wonderful way because of the originality and thoughtfulness the director and script writer has put in it. I would hope many of you would watch it and be as delighted as I am. I don't want to ruin the movie by giving the details (but I probably would as I would be ranting about our system right away). The movie made me think about our fictitious culture overtly obsessed with appearances. For a very long time now, all of us have fallen pray to the lifestyle portrayed by the media and the TV shows and the movies where everyone looks beautiful and hip and is rich has lot of stuff. Who is the best salesman who can sell sugar to a diabetic!

When the financial crisis started rolling, we blamed the banks and wall street managers who gave out tons of sub-prime loans to undeserving people who could not pay for the stuff they bought (houses, cars and other nonsense)leading to unpaid mortgages and too many unpaid loans. It was a crime however, I am equally disappointed with people who thought they could afford all the stuff at 50,000 per annum salary. Why does everyone need a 4 bedroom house and two car garage and huge garden? Why does everyone need big cars, latest gizmo and prada bag? We are trying to compete with those so called idols on television, who don;t really have to buy the stuff they show on TV. The unattainable standards of richness and beauty and fashion are driving people crazy into the large sums of debt. The nation is in a trillion dollar debt, no wonder. We are always buying something that we don't need. It's a free country and if someone has to buy himself to bankruptcy he is allowed to. But at what cost? DO we want people buying unnecessary goods and eventually defaulting on loans that the banks have to bear the burden of? This leads to spiraling debt cycle and the nations pays the price.

I think the movie makes a wonderful comment on this issue by showing just one family and it's lifestyle. It made me think. Why don;t we make our own rules, when it comes to our own life? I will buy what I can afford. Why can't spending time with family , cooking at home, working in community garden, talking to friends, reading books make our life rich? Why do we need every little thing the market offer? There is always going to be a new gadget in the market and latest fashion trends by Prada. What we need to do is get only that thing which makes our life more meaningful and I think most of us will that thing is never available in market and it is "Family"!

For last few weeks, the article that Yale Law Professor Amy Chua wrote has been circulating and has created an immense debate about "what is good parenting?" Now, Amy Chua has also published a book about her parenting style and I think this new debate has been a good publicity for her book. Of course, there are people on the both sides of the issue. Amy Chua's article brings out some good points about parenting and some extreme ones. It is her parenting and really we can only say that's her choice. We can not debate if it is right or wrong. We can choose our own styles when it comes to our children. The article and the debate made me think about my childhood and my parents.

Like many other parents I know, my parents had some flexible rules and some strict rules. Growing up we had to go to school regularly, do homework and get into extracurricular activities. I definitely enjoyed the extracurricular activities and studying was fun sometimes. I don't really remember me or my sister cringing about doing our work. We were always among the good students, may times topped our class. Ambition 'to be someone' was inculcated through talks and examples. But I don't remember the times when my parents went crazy about their expectations or resorted to horrible punishments. Of course, some times I might have felt, that they were too tough or demanding. But looking back now, I feel they struck a good balance between love and punishment. I think being a girl, there was never a hitting incidence involved but thinking, something I do might make them angry, was enough for me behave as they said.

I definitely would say that my parents made us think independently. When we were in college, many of their "have to do" s kind of vanished. We had some rules when it came to friends. We were supposed to bring all our new friends home. My parents have always been quite popular with both our friends and our friends would visit them even when we were not be there. I think at the age of 16 when I did not know how to judge people, this rule worked really well. It was kind of silent approval from parents to our friends and we never felt it was wrong or weird. As I grew older, I knew who I would take home, boys and girls included.

I definitely give 100% credit to my parents' decision to support me when I decided to pursue B.A. after 10th grade. Almost all my classmates from school opted for engineering and I knew my father wanted me to do the same. You know, how Indian mind set works. But I knew it was not for me. There were some opinion clashes but in the end I did what I wanted to do and I am extremely grateful to my parents that they support me till date even when professionally I am struggling.

Love for arts, languages, reading. theater, politics and most importantly public service is my parents gift to me. Till date , like most of the girls I have to call my mother to tell her when I see a new movie or read a new book or enjoy new theater production. Does it mean that we never had any disagreements? Hell no! I would fight with them about too many things. Like when they did not want me to continue to be a part of the theater team after the first year in college. I was so mad and upset, but after few days when the whole theater group ended up being a big political joint, I thanked them about their decision. I could never do anything if parents told me not to do. Initially it was fear of their anger and later on it was fear of making them upset or unhappy.

Small things and infractions are going to happen in any relationship. But the kind of close nit family we have, it's worth it. I don't know how others grew up, but as for me it was wonderful and happening and democratic at times. So even if some "happy child" philosophers would not agree with my parents choice of do's and don'ts; I agree with them 100%. I know that I am who I am because of them. Sacrificing a little bit of sleepovers or no theater times, was worth it!