For last few weeks, the article that Yale Law Professor Amy Chua wrote has been circulating and has created an immense debate about "what is good parenting?" Now, Amy Chua has also published a book about her parenting style and I think this new debate has been a good publicity for her book. Of course, there are people on the both sides of the issue. Amy Chua's article brings out some good points about parenting and some extreme ones. It is her parenting and really we can only say that's her choice. We can not debate if it is right or wrong. We can choose our own styles when it comes to our children. The article and the debate made me think about my childhood and my parents.

Like many other parents I know, my parents had some flexible rules and some strict rules. Growing up we had to go to school regularly, do homework and get into extracurricular activities. I definitely enjoyed the extracurricular activities and studying was fun sometimes. I don't really remember me or my sister cringing about doing our work. We were always among the good students, may times topped our class. Ambition 'to be someone' was inculcated through talks and examples. But I don't remember the times when my parents went crazy about their expectations or resorted to horrible punishments. Of course, some times I might have felt, that they were too tough or demanding. But looking back now, I feel they struck a good balance between love and punishment. I think being a girl, there was never a hitting incidence involved but thinking, something I do might make them angry, was enough for me behave as they said.

I definitely would say that my parents made us think independently. When we were in college, many of their "have to do" s kind of vanished. We had some rules when it came to friends. We were supposed to bring all our new friends home. My parents have always been quite popular with both our friends and our friends would visit them even when we were not be there. I think at the age of 16 when I did not know how to judge people, this rule worked really well. It was kind of silent approval from parents to our friends and we never felt it was wrong or weird. As I grew older, I knew who I would take home, boys and girls included.

I definitely give 100% credit to my parents' decision to support me when I decided to pursue B.A. after 10th grade. Almost all my classmates from school opted for engineering and I knew my father wanted me to do the same. You know, how Indian mind set works. But I knew it was not for me. There were some opinion clashes but in the end I did what I wanted to do and I am extremely grateful to my parents that they support me till date even when professionally I am struggling.

Love for arts, languages, reading. theater, politics and most importantly public service is my parents gift to me. Till date , like most of the girls I have to call my mother to tell her when I see a new movie or read a new book or enjoy new theater production. Does it mean that we never had any disagreements? Hell no! I would fight with them about too many things. Like when they did not want me to continue to be a part of the theater team after the first year in college. I was so mad and upset, but after few days when the whole theater group ended up being a big political joint, I thanked them about their decision. I could never do anything if parents told me not to do. Initially it was fear of their anger and later on it was fear of making them upset or unhappy.

Small things and infractions are going to happen in any relationship. But the kind of close nit family we have, it's worth it. I don't know how others grew up, but as for me it was wonderful and happening and democratic at times. So even if some "happy child" philosophers would not agree with my parents choice of do's and don'ts; I agree with them 100%. I know that I am who I am because of them. Sacrificing a little bit of sleepovers or no theater times, was worth it!

A great setback to Democracy

On Sunday, January 9, 2010; Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords was shot in a meeting with her constituents in Tucson, AZ. Six other people including a Federal Judge in Arizona were dead and the congresswoman now lies in coma. The shooter was captured and is facing both state and federal charges. This news will be in air for next many weeks and pundits from all political parties and news reporters will tear the issue into the pieces using party politics, gun control, immigration and the other possible issues they can find. There will be discussion about whether the shooter is mentally ill or what was his motivation in spite many videos he posted on youtube about his ideas and thoughts. Sarah Palin's "Map" will become overtly famous and republicans will call names to all those who resort to violence. This whole drama will end as soon as we find new issue to chew on such as "Is Obama an American Citizen" or " will my taxes go down now that Republicans are getting back to power" and all those life changing and most serious issues. Hopefully, Giffords will recover and be back at her job in Washington.

I am speechless. Not frustrated, not horrified, just Speechless. The country that takes a great pride in its Democratic values and principles just saw how flimsy those values are getting or should I say the country saw no one cares about the Democracy as along as they can get few minutes of time on television or radio and use partisan politics to get elected. As Paul Krugman wonderfully wrote in his opinion piece in NY Times Climate of Hate, the time has come for the politicians to retrospect about the use of language when they are denouncing their opponents. I mean all politicians. I don't care if you are a liberal or a conservative, if you instigate your voters enough to make them kill someone, you are responsible for their actions.

I truly believe in democracy as the only method to govern any country. It is not the most perfect method but it is the only method that ensures that every single vote counts and every single opinion is heard. But when every single vote is only politically motivated, I have a problem. I believe that freedom of speech is the greatest gift that any constitution can provide. But how far do we want to take that gift? With great gifts comes great responsibility. The great leaders like Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr. used this gift to motivate millions of supporters to march towards "Freedom" in peace. Unfortunately, those kind of leaders are now almost extinct.

How far we want to let these political warmongers lead us? As Krugman says, as long as it brings money and time on TV, the politicians will say anything. When a commoner like me says something irresponsibly the result is me getting in trouble. But when a leader says something irresponsibly, the result is the country getting in trouble. And worse thing is, all this speech is not against some external enemy, it is against internal opponents who are viewed by thousands of the followers as "enemy". The beauty of democracy lies in the ability of having multitude of opinions. We need difference of opinions to make sure that the people don't get carried away by one side. Unfortunately, debate and arguments are no longer in the congress they are coming into our houses and into our lives. Why is that someone who has a different political opinion can never be your friend? If politics a business, why can't they argue and fight in congress and still be respectful of each other and mention that loudly to the constituents? The business of "spreading fear" is not good and the result is decided by a bullet than by a vote.

I cried blood tears over this. I am a champion of freedom for all. But I am also champion of freedom with great responsibility. Freedom is not an entitlement, it's an opportunity many do not get in their lifetime. With every bullet freedom vanishes in air and democracy dies a little bit more.

I really pray that congresswoman will get better soon and the nation will retrospect, even for a moment and see what we are giving up to achieve what!

God, Faith etc...

Are you a believer? I have been asked that questions a few times and other times I asked this question to few others. I have friends who consider themselves atheists and we always have discussions about God and religion and other aspects of faith in general. This country which is definitely founded on Judeo-Christian principles, definitely looks at faith from a certain point of view. However, it is interesting to see the change in public opinion, particularly the generation between 18-40 when it comes to the matters of faith or more particularly matters of religion. Percentage of atheists is definitely on the rise and I think percentage of people questioning the aspects of religion is also on the rise. Now, this particular post is not about exploring the changing nature of religion in society, but it is about my own thinking about the matter.

Being born and brought up in India, I have been exposed to many different religions and many religious practices. However, my parents were never "ritualistic". Of course, they do believe in God and have learnt Bhagwadgeeta and enjoy the more literary aspect of the religious texts. But I do not remember many incidents when me and my sister had to follow religious traditions. We celebrated all the festivals and my father did poojas. But it was never hard and fast and we were allowed to ask questions and often disagree with parents about religious traditions. I will definitely say my parents are believers but hardly religious.

I always distinguish between religious people and the believers. Religious people, as I have seen in my family and around follow all the rules and regulations without questioning any of it. I most definitely know that many customs and rituals in Hindu traditions have particular significance that has nothing to do with God. However, unfortunately people who call themselves very traditional and religious hardly know about such significance and I object to that. Many of Hindu customs and festivals are based on cycle of nature and weather and have environmental significance. Such as Vatapaurnima when women pray to Banyan tree for long life their husbands. Now, it's good to spend time in a garden full of Banyan trees and it also gave an opportunity to women (before they became independent) to spend time with friends away from household chores. There were many tress in forest 100 years ago. However, now the Vatapaurnima does not provide that cultural and environmental significance any more (there are no Banyan tress to begin with). But religious people often do not know about the background of such days and still continue practicing them. Of course, if you enjoy such days then it's wonderful. But many times I have seen people scrapping pennies to celebrate such days or fulfill such rituals. Fasting is a good thing but fasting for nine days when you are working full time is not exactly a health advice I will give anyone. This is where I have problem with religion and champions of religion.

I am a believer and I do feel good when I say my prayers and read philosophy. But I don't really care about the rituals. For that matter, when we got married in India, we did only four rituals that I had faith in. I think religion has nothing to do with God. In fact, if there is God I don't need a big bureaucracy to answer to before I can reach him. I believe that my understanding of God and my sense of safety is completely between God and me. I don't need elaborate ceremonies to prove to me that I am doing this to appease God. Since I believe in "Karma- Sindhhanta", I know I reap what I sow. So that completely cuts down all the unnecessary middlemen between me and God.

Being a person of faith gives me great comfort. I pray because it makes me feel better. Faith has nothing to do with religion. I remember this from one of the novels I read a while ago "I don't know any religion. All I know is God".

I am back to reading "Mysteries". For last few weeks I have gathered good mystery books and am on a bookathelon (If there is such word). I am of course a truly mystery lover at heart. No wonder you will find Sherlock Holmes as my permanent companion. Of course Arthur Cannon Doyle and Agatha Christie are all time favorite and respected authors but I have also taken interest in some new age mystery writing by Preston-Child and Steve Berry. These are new favorites of mine, when it comes to mystery writing and reading it my eyes literally droop. However, I recently found that my favorite TV shows "Murder, She Wrote" and "Monk" are also available in book format. The creators of these shows have also helped develop several mystery plots in book form that are true to the shows. "Murder, She Wrote" is an excellent TV show that ran on CBS from 1984-1996 starring Angela Lansbury as the clever and adorable Jessica Fletcher. "Monk" starred Tony Shalhoub as obsessive, compulsory and exceptionally brilliant detective Adrian Monk. The reason I am particularly talking about these shows is, both have characters that are called by others in the show as modern day Sherlock Holmes and both shows have characters that are personable and delightful.

While these days there is no dearth of mystery shows and novels, these two shows and the subsequent novels based on the shows stand out for me for the "mystery" part of the script. The reason I enjoy Sherlock Holmes and Hercule Poirot because they solve mystery. The importance is to the "Mystery" unlike many new shows and books those depend heavily on details of death and other gory stuff instead of the sheer genius of the detectives who investigate such crimes. The whole genre of mystery is about how the smart detective finds the culprit. I find that portrayed beautifully in both Murder She Wrote and Monk. We know there is a dead man but watching Jessica Fletcher and Adrian Monk delving into that mystery with their own way is simply a delight to watch and read, of course.

Another thing that brings these two shows together for me is, the main character. Jessica a simple English teacher living in small town main and Adrian a weird detective living in San Fransisco. Now, they have nothing in common. What they have common is their intelligence and their personality that I really enjoy watching and reading about. Of course, the ensemble of the other frequently occurring characters is also an enjoyable experience. Both the shows have dear characters who are equally important to the success of the shows.

I have finished watching all season of Monk and for Murder She Wrote I finished about seven seasons. Now, that I have found that these stories are available as novels, I am running to library almost every other day to borrow the next Jessica book or Monk book. With time to enjoy and weather to wrap myself in blanket, these wonderful stories provide great entertainment. I am finished reading two of Jessica's mysteries and two of Monk's mysteries. With too many to read, I better stop writing and start reading :-)

White Christmas

It's been almost 6.5 years since I came to US. However, contrary to popular belief in India, not all US states have snow or even flurries or even icy conditions during winter. First two years in Atlanta and then four years in Tempe, hardly exposed me to the beauty of snow in winter. Of course, in Atlanta it gets very cold and even windy and icy. But Tempe has wonderful winter with temperature in 50s and 60s and occasionally in 30s. But never snow. We used to go to Flagstaff to visit snow. It was beautiful and living in comfortable weather is definitely wonderful. But since we moved to Michigan in summer, I knew we had it coming. Oh yes, the White Christmas.

Actually we missed the first snow in Ann Arbor. We were in NYC at that time. During Thanksgiving weekend, A2 had its first snow. But NY and Boston were much warmer compared to A2. The temperature was in 40s. NY was windy, tunnel effect! But it was not terrible, as I thought I would find my first winter in North. While driving back from Boston, boy we saw tons of snow in PA. We had to stop for the night as it was too much snow and too dark. I was sweating and stressed while driving. The next day, when we passed 'State College', we got our first look into tons of snow. The vehicles were moving at 20 miles/hr. The other side of road was jammed as a truck was toppled and police cars and EMT almost stopped the traffic. We could hardly see about 10 feet ahead. Not exactly driving friendly weather, I would say. But we managed to reach home safely.

Next day, I had to get some stuff from office as I decided to work from home, I walked to the bus stop. And it was snowing. I ate some snow flakes :-) It was wonderful. Cold, yes but wonderful. I was all layered up in coats and mittens and shawl and had my big snow boots on. I had to walk 5 minutes from the bus stop to get to the office and then back to home but I did not die or anything. I really enjoyed it. I came home and turned up the heat and snuggled up in warm jacket. I just sat in window, watching snow covering up the houses, cars, roads and the creek. Everything was quiet and peaceful. The trees looked beautiful as if they had snow flowers on them. And I realized, "It's going to be first, real, White Christmas for me and V". I believe in enjoying every weather if you get a chance. Many of my friends expressed concerned about me managing the winter, as I am not exactly a winter person. And living in Arizona hasn't helped me either. But many of our new friends in Michigan told us to invest in good jackets and boots and layer up. That's what I have been doing whenever I go out. Thankfully, our landlady is kind and she hires a person to remove the snow from parking garage when it snows a lot. So V doesn't have to worry about breaking his arm cleaning the snow.

Snow is fun. People say that it's just the beginning and it will get worse. Worse than 9 F. May be, who knows. But I guess I am now used to the idea of cold weather. As of now I am enjoying it. How often do you get to see a frozen creek just in your backyard! The city is diligent in cleaning the snow. All you have to do is drive carefully. Since V drives about 5 miles one way and through the city it is not too bad, till now. And of course you can always work from home if there is weather emergency. The best part is hot coffee and soup any time you want. Winter is fun.

It has been my ritual since last 6 Christmases to watch "White Christmas" on every Christmas. And this year we will have a White Christmas outside and inside. Now that my friend is simply wonderful!

It is almost two months since we have officially started living in Ann Arbor. I have to say that we are very lucky to be living here. Ann Arbor, as we all know is known for the University of Michigan's main campus. UMICH is an inseparable and very important part of the city's economy and culture. With Medical school and hospital, UMICH definitely rules the roost. But other than the university, the city offers many wonderful things. While Michigan is definitely a rural state, Washtenaw county that harbors A2, is an urban county. With population of around 322,000 the county is fifth largest in the state. However, it is also a very diverse county. And A2 of course takes the cake when it comes to diversity and culture.

What I love about A2 is whenever you walk in downtown, you will hear people speaking in many international languages. People of all over the world can be easily spotted in this "cool" city. Of course, since UMICH is a big player it is not surprising to have an amalgamation of cultures in the city. There is always something to do here. There are car shows, farmers markets, holiday markets, Oktoberfest and so on and so forth. Since, the city is most definitely a liberal city, things such as environmentally friendly technology show is not uncommon. Then there is Sunday Artisan market, where local artists sell their art. And also, book shows and book tours in Borders are tons of literary events in the Ann Arbor District Library make sure that all the book-nuts are happy.

The university has an arboretum which we haven't paid a visit is known for beautiful Fall colors. Another fun part, which I had never experienced is the proximity of wild life. It's not uncommon to spot dears on the roads. The other day we were driving on one of the busy roads and I looked out and spotted few dears hanging out happily on the North campus. I was so excited that I almost hit the car next to me :-) Our landlady has mentioned that the dears do come in our backyard. Now, you can imagine how excited I am to see them.

The city has many many cuisines to offer and for someone who enjoys eating as well as cooking, local the grocery stores. There are many specialty stores that cater to specialty cooking needs such as Indian, Chinese and Middle Eastern. I haven't visited all of them, but since I have been dabbling in cooking I will be visiting them some day or the other. There are tons of places that are open to till 2 in the night where you can definitely grab a bite to eat and some good wine to enjoy. Mind you, we moved from Phoenix where we had to decide if we wanted to eat out at 6 pm if we wanted to make it before closing which was in many cases was 9 pm. So given that, having places open so late is a boon for us.

There are many bars and dance clubs for entertainment. Got to be, after all it is a school town. I told someone describing this wonderful city as a "small" city but also a "big" city. Small in the sense that it's a college town. Not too much crowded. Still manages to keep the Midwest charm. But at the same time it is big as it has many things to offer when it comes to jobs, entertainment and diversity. I have to say we are very lucky to move here. I like to see the birds and the squirrels on the tree when I am drinking my morning tea. I enjoy just being here. Many times after work I would just walk around in downtown doing nothing. The weather is perfect now, though a little cold for me. But still I love sitting in a coffee shop and reading and watching students running with their laptops and solving homework. God, I love it here. If some one visits us here, I would tell them let's just sit down and relax and may be walk in the park and then eat in that fantastic neighborhood restaurant. That's Ann Arbor. Alive and beautiful, charming and peaceful, cold and warm, small and big, modern yet simple just what it is , Ann Arbor!

ASU College of Public Programs had this great idea to photograph student with their ideas about changing the world. I loved all of them and one particular that said "by changing the (wo)man in the mirror!". Now, that perhaps is the best way to begin. Like my favorite songs from MJ, I try to change the woman in the mirror, one day at a time.

Man in the Mirror

I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .

As I, Turn Up The Collar On My
Favourite Winter Coat
This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind
I See The Kids In The Street,
With Not Enough To Eat
Who Am I, To Be Blind?
Pretending Not To See
Their Needs
A Summer's Disregard,
A Broken Bottle Top
And A One Man's Soul
They Follow Each Other On
The Wind Ya' Know
'Cause They Got Nowhere
To Go
That's Why I Want You To
Know

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change)
(Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah)

I've Been A Victim Of A Selfish
Kind Of Love
It's Time That I Realize
That There Are Some With No
Home, Not A Nickel To Loan
Could It Be Really Me,
Pretending That They're Not
Alone?

A Willow Deeply Scarred,
Somebody's Broken Heart
And A Washed-Out Dream
(Washed-Out Dream)
They Follow The Pattern Of
The Wind, Ya' See
Cause They Got No Place
To Be
That's Why I'm Starting With
Me
(Starting With Me!)

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
(Ooh!)
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Ooh!)
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change)

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
(Ooh!)
I'm Asking Him To Change His
Ways
(Change His Ways-Ooh!)
And No Message Could've
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make That . . .
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make That . . .)
Change!

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror,
(Man In The Mirror-Oh
Yeah!)
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Better Change!)
No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make The Change)
(You Gotta Get It Right, While
You Got The Time)
('Cause When You Close Your
Heart)
You Can't Close Your . . .Your
Mind!
(Then You Close Your . . .
Mind!)
That Man, That Man, That
Man, That Man
With That Man In The Mirror
(Man In The Mirror, Oh Yeah!)
That Man, That Man, That Man
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Better Change!)
You Know . . .That Man
No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change)
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah
(Oh Yeah!)
Gonna Feel Real Good Now!
Yeah Yeah! Yeah Yeah!
Yeah Yeah!
Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah
(Ooooh . . .)
Oh No, No No . . .
I'm Gonna Make A Change
It's Gonna Feel Real Good!
Come On!
(Change . . .)
Just Lift Yourself
You Know
You've Got To Stop It.
Yourself!
(Yeah!-Make That Change!)
I've Got To Make That Change,
Today!
Hoo!
(Man In The Mirror)
You Got To
You Got To Not Let Yourself . . .
Brother . . .
Hoo!
(Yeah!-Make That Change!)
You Know-I've Got To Get
That Man, That Man . . .
(Man In The Mirror)
You've Got To
You've Got To Move! Come
On! Come On!
You Got To . . .
Stand Up! Stand Up!
Stand Up!
(Yeah-Make That Change)
Stand Up And Lift
Yourself, Now!
(Man In The Mirror)
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
Aaow!
(Yeah-Make That Change)
Gonna Make That Change . . .
Come On!
(Man In The Mirror)
You Know It!
You Know It!
You Know It!
You Know . . .
(Change . . .)
Make That Change.