It's just the beginning

When you are born and brought up in India; there are certain milestones you are supposed to hit before 30. First, you are supposed to be an engineer or some sort of technical professional who brings home good amount of money (Thankfully this is changing rapidly as parents are becoming more and more supportive of wide career choices. So when I say technical career it's from my childhood days. However, this requirement is more or less true for a large section of population till date.) Secondly, you have to have a car, an apartment that you bought, and other material things that one needs at home. You should have a certain amount of bank balance, savings accounts and you must be on some sort of investment schedule. Thirdly, and probably the most important is you have to have a spouse and a child before you hit 30. When I look at these requirements I just say, LoL. How in the world is this supposed to happen when until you hit 30, you are sort of trying to grasp the vastness of the world and understand who you are.

Thank you America, for not having these deadlines for me. While talking to a friend few months ago, I realized that accomplishments as viewed by the society; are impossible to achieve before I hit 30. It took me 24 years to understand what I want to study and it took even more years to understand what I want to be when I grow up. And I use the phrase "Grow Up" seriously; because there is so much growing up to do even after one hits a certain age limit. Knowing who we are and what we want takes years than the society would allow us. But I am glad I took all that time to reach the point where I stand now.

Until I left home to come to US, I was a child. Literally. I did all academic studying but when it came to life experiences I has zero account credit. After living alone in a different country and in a completely different culture; I got to see things in new light. I took lot of time to realize what it was, I was looking for. Self realization takes time and we have to give that time. I still don't get the rush to finish everything before 30. I feel personally, it's a gestation period until 30. Then sort of we come to life. There are few exceptional people I know, who just knew who they were at a very early stage. But then most of us keep struggling for a long period of time before we reach a place where things get familiar. Unfortunately, many of my friends never got that chance of self-realization and now they just 'are'.

In spite of the reality of acute competition, I think we need to take a pause and realize "Hey, in the lifespan of 80/90 years, reaching 30 is just 1/3rd of the journey. Let's take a step back and see what I really want." I feel being 30, is just the beginning. Beginning of life as some sort of cognizant human being. I think being 30 is actually when one's journey as an adult begins. Until then we are just young-adults who can vote and drink and get married legally. But when it comes to understanding our potential, our dreams, our life; 30 is when we really become adults. 

So to all my friends, who turned 30 or will be turning 30 soon; Welcome to Life. It's pretty fantastic!

And here goes another episode of bullying. And this time it's a woman bus monitor.Karen Huff Klein. I could not watch more than 5 seconds of this horrible act, caught on video. The video now has gone viral and the community has shown great support for the woman, who is not only the resident of Greece, NY but also is a widow. As if being a widow is easy, that poor woman was taunted because of that. What's wrong with our children? When did they become so insensitive and cruel and psychopaths? Day after day, weeks after week, we read a news about some child committing suicide because of relentless bullying. And it need not be a gay child; he/she could be someone the others think to be different or weak and take great pleasure bullying. When did the children become so horrible?

Childhood, as I remember was the best time of my life. Everyone in my family went to a semi-public school and we had students from all economic and class backgrounds. But never in my life I remember the day when someone was looked down upon because she lacked a certain quality. Being a high-school student in India is all about getting fantastic grades and excelling in extracurricular activities. Even the divisions were set in a way to reflect the quality of students (like A would be all over 3.5 GPA and so on and so forth). This was actually much more deliberate division of students, according to their academic achievements. But as I remember the students from less academic achievement class, were good at so many other things (sports, paintings, music, dance) that we the "A" students never felt any different or at times may be lacking certain life qualities others had. I was into sports throughout school days and I made some great friends while playing with the team and of course they were not A students. In fact, I remember I once said something jokingly about someone's academic ability and I was reprimanded very strongly by the teacher. I am glad she did that. Never at my home, such "I am better than you because I am A students" behavior was encouraged. In fact, my parents were extremely cautious about not letting me and my sister fly high; no matter what.

Isn't this how it's supposed to be? Everyone is different but difference is what makes life so beautiful and enjoyable. Aren't we supposed to celebrate the differences? What's wrong with kids these days? I am not child educator or psychologist, but if children are on their way to be bullies; something is very wrong with the adults who are supposed to inculcate values. We all like to make fun of others and pull leg or react sarcastically but making someone so miserable that they choose a path of death or have a psychological breakdown; is not "making fun" it's "criminal". I know there are laws against such behavior but then where is the strict implementation? Something, somewhere is missing the mark. Parents, teachers; I don't know whom to blame. But this is a very serious problem.

Being a child should be the best part of life not the worse. And being a bully should be the worst part of once's life; not the best.

Today I cached up upon Satyamev Jayate episode I missed after coming back to US. This time it was about Honor Killings. First of all, honor killing sounds like an oxymoron. What kind of honor there will be in killing. Secondly, the issue of honor killing is about killing the couples who get married in a situation deemed undesirable for their families. So the family members end up killing those couples or one of them. Where is the honor in killing your own flesh and blood. All the stories featured on the show were extremely emotional and horrible. Some of the couples were lucky to be alive but still living in fear. Some of them got the worst of it. Then they had people from Harayanvai Khap panchayat to understand, what sort of Panchyata law is involved and if there is any legal right to the panchayats to carry on such practices (need not be killing but giving the decision whether the man and the woman can marry each other). It was all very backwards and in 21st century when APJ Abdul Kalam wants India to be superpower, what sort of social norms are we still thinking about and following?

I thought love conquers all. As long as they are mutually consenting adults; who is society and for that matter even close family to object and pass judgement. As the person from "Love Brigade" pointed out, it's about keeping the woman under the man's rule. If we let the women choose whom they marry; this extremely strong power just slips away. In fact the whole notion of marriage and the patriarchal system is about keeping the woman under the thumb. I am not for patriarchy but I can understand the system up to a certain limit but deciding who will live and die is not the desired outcome of such system.

Where are we going? What path are we following as a nation? We boast so much about The Indian Culture, Indian Values; where are these values when it comes to honor killings and shunning and rapes and female foeticide? I am so ashamed of my country right now. One would hope that these social issues will weed away over the period of time but it looks that they are becoming more and more common. And when will the society change? And when will the people/families of those couples will think? Just because someone is not following the so called tradition, kill him? And who decides what's the tradition anyways? It's just makes me extremely sad to think that  in a country that boasts to be one of the eldest civilizations in the world, people have forgotten how to be civilized. 

Someone would say nobody can do anything about it. But of course they can. We can start with our own families and communities and change their perspective. It will be a very long process but nonetheless we have to try. And of course government and legal system should make the sentences harsher and implement them. The perpetrators of these crime should dealt with a very strong hand. The legal system should make it a point that such crimes will not be tolerated. 

I hope the programs such as Satyamev Jayate will bring awareness about these issues and if it can change life of at least one person; I would say we are on right track.