Dance with Me

Have you seen the Tango scene from "Take the Lead"? If not, do it right now. If you don't get swiped by it, I will lose anything. That's my all time favorite choreography and I watch it everyday. Dance, just by watching it takes me to the seventh heaven. If you love dancing as much as I do, you know what I am talking about.

I love to dance and choreograph. Dancing is like a drug to me or should I say the never ending trip to the heaven. It makes me feel powerful, amazing, relaxed and happy. I dance when I am sad, I dance when I am happy. In every moment of my life, I feel like dancing. When I was learning classical dance in India, it was the best time in my life. I used to wait for weekends when I could go practice and learn. It was exhausting and exhilarating, the same time. As soon as I hear music, I can't stop. I just put on my dancing shoes and I dance.

I have always been like this. Some people do drugs, I do dance :-) I find peace and solace in dancing. Every time life throws a curve ball and I can't hit it, I know I will find my pinch-hitter in dancing. When I dance, I forget everything. It doesn't matter if I am at club or on stage or at someone's home; all I can feel is music and me moving with it. Dance takes away all inhibitions, worries and frustrations. It provides only pleasure. Every type of dance classical, folk, ballroom, south american and so on an so forth. has its unique style and experience. Dancing with someone is equally beautiful. If you are game, I will take you out for a dance :-)

In my family, we all dance. Of course we are not Madhuri Dixits or Prabhudevas but we love to tap our feet to the music. I guess, dancing together with friends and family brings you closer in a wonderful way. Age, gender nothing matters. All matters is you response to the music. I have may friends who are not great dancers but are very enthusiastic dancers. I admire that. You don't have to be Michael Jackson to enjoy your time on the floor. To enjoy it, all you have to do is put your heart in it and you will find the place where you have never been before.

For some reason, many of my male friends shy away from floor. I tell them, 'just do it once and you will realize what you are missing'. I dance like no one is watching, and you do it too. To all my single male friends, girls like guys who dance. So even if you are no Gene Kelly, get your grove and you will find the 'magic'.

Dancing is sensuous and beautiful. And only if you dance, you know the difference between sensuality and vulgarity. As Antonio Banderas says in "Take the Lead" , "Your daughters will learn how to trust a man and you sons will learn how to touch a woman, respectfully". That's the beauty of dance. I find my freedom while dancing. May be you will find something too. So will you dance with me?

Man enough??

I just finished reading NY Times post about whether today's men are manly enoughAre modern men manly enough? That totally got me thinking about whole concept of manly man. Some of the author their have view of traditional masculine roles and how having them makes someone manly and of course the whole new change that the new century brought in form of "Metrosexual" man. While I do agree with some traditional notions, I do get the metrosexuality too. But I agree with Lawrence Scholassman when he says" being manly is lifestyle." So true.

With new era, we have changed the definitions of gender roles. I don't care about a man who can kill a deer or fix a tire and show no emotions, whatsoever ( Well , nothing wrong with either of those activities. But if you think that's what makes you a man, then 'sigh') . I think for me masculinity is about taking charge of one's life and destiny. And anyone; man or woman can be man enough if they do it. Like any other girl, I have seen my father as the manly man. He would lift things, do the traditional man-jobs but I have seen him buying groceries and help mom in kitchen. I have seen him put oil in my hair, talk about everything and share food (or should I say, eat what I did not eat) and show emotions while watching "White Christmas". I think he is the man's man. Growing up, I have seen traditional men doing nothing at home except sitting in front of television and ordering wife around, and saying "I can't do this, because I am a man". Phew! 

 As I made many friends (boys) over the years, I saw them taking charge of their lives and yet being sensible, sensitive and accepting things like they cry when no one is looking. I adore that. Accept that you have a heart and a brain and at times you need someone to tell you "it's ok". Man traditionally, a provider, needs someone to provide for him too. And not just money and food but love and affection and friendship and laughter. I think men who get it, are real men. I have seen V doing everything at home and not even thinking about it as something "not manly enough". I have a friend who admits that he is scared of spiders and lets me kill them :-) But all these boys I know, are funny, sensible and thoughtful. I think they are very masculine. I think being a man is about accepting who you are. For me, being a man, is about doing your own thinking and acting on it and taking responsibility. Whether you do it with a chainsaw in your hand or a cooking pan; doesn't matter. 

Of course, sometimes I think these days some men are into a little too much grooming. I have seen men with perfect tan, and nails and amazingly coordinated outfits. I find it a little over the top. But as long as they are "man enough" to admit that they enjoy it; I support them. I think being a man is so much more about being a good human being. If you are a good person, I don't care if you cried on your wedding day or had a new haircut at the spa or got your nails done or bought a pink shirt. In my book, you are a "Man".

I love getting a haircut. I have always been the "short hair" girl since I was a child. Of course, few years ago I decided to give it a shot and grow my hair out. Well, the experiment was not too unsuccessful as I could grow them out; but then again it's just not me. So I decided to chop them off and I might the first bride in history who chopped off her hair just one day before the wedding. Reason, I just like the feeling to being light. Oh yes, cutting them off makes me feel light and happy. :-)

I don't visit salons often and I don't visit them to do anything else but to cut my hair. For a while I wanted to look like Mariska Hargitay (whom I admire a lot but no way I am as gorgeous as her). So I tried different styles she had. From bob to spikes! It was an experimentation phase and I was having way too much fun with that. In fact I realized, I can carry spikes pretty well. Of course, I need to be a little more enthusiastic everyday to work on hair and apply the products. But the spike was quite fun and I was told in DMV office to get the new ID picture with the new cut since I looked 'very cute' (blushing :-)!) . I was in Mariska phase in Arizona. When I moved to A2; it was a little different. I found a really great place that cater to the clients the best. They are all young stylists, funny, good at their work and of course not too expensive. So I decided I will do something else again. This time I wanted to look like Ellen Degenres (again, not as amazing as her but nevertheless) So I cut them short short. And it was quite fantastic. I felt light and cool. What's it about hair that changes your perspective about yourself? My stylist told me that I should probably get some funky hair color. But I was not sure of that. I told her I will do that if I go back to school. Professionally, it doesn't look good. But still changing hair again made me feel fantastic. 

I think like your clothes and shoes, your hair speak a lot about yourself. For some reason, all the powerful and strong women I admire, have short hair. Somehow for me "short hair = strong woman". And of course, short hair means less work every day. You can just wash and wear. For me short hair also means I rebel. There may not be a relation between what I feel and how I look but it makes me feel strong and different. These days I am in Cate Blanchett phase (again I love her and admire her fantastic work). All my role models are strong, successful and independent women who carry themselves so well that even with simple jeans and a casual haircut they announce their presence. May be I will be like them one day but for now I will take the Hair :-)

It's just the beginning

When you are born and brought up in India; there are certain milestones you are supposed to hit before 30. First, you are supposed to be an engineer or some sort of technical professional who brings home good amount of money (Thankfully this is changing rapidly as parents are becoming more and more supportive of wide career choices. So when I say technical career it's from my childhood days. However, this requirement is more or less true for a large section of population till date.) Secondly, you have to have a car, an apartment that you bought, and other material things that one needs at home. You should have a certain amount of bank balance, savings accounts and you must be on some sort of investment schedule. Thirdly, and probably the most important is you have to have a spouse and a child before you hit 30. When I look at these requirements I just say, LoL. How in the world is this supposed to happen when until you hit 30, you are sort of trying to grasp the vastness of the world and understand who you are.

Thank you America, for not having these deadlines for me. While talking to a friend few months ago, I realized that accomplishments as viewed by the society; are impossible to achieve before I hit 30. It took me 24 years to understand what I want to study and it took even more years to understand what I want to be when I grow up. And I use the phrase "Grow Up" seriously; because there is so much growing up to do even after one hits a certain age limit. Knowing who we are and what we want takes years than the society would allow us. But I am glad I took all that time to reach the point where I stand now.

Until I left home to come to US, I was a child. Literally. I did all academic studying but when it came to life experiences I has zero account credit. After living alone in a different country and in a completely different culture; I got to see things in new light. I took lot of time to realize what it was, I was looking for. Self realization takes time and we have to give that time. I still don't get the rush to finish everything before 30. I feel personally, it's a gestation period until 30. Then sort of we come to life. There are few exceptional people I know, who just knew who they were at a very early stage. But then most of us keep struggling for a long period of time before we reach a place where things get familiar. Unfortunately, many of my friends never got that chance of self-realization and now they just 'are'.

In spite of the reality of acute competition, I think we need to take a pause and realize "Hey, in the lifespan of 80/90 years, reaching 30 is just 1/3rd of the journey. Let's take a step back and see what I really want." I feel being 30, is just the beginning. Beginning of life as some sort of cognizant human being. I think being 30 is actually when one's journey as an adult begins. Until then we are just young-adults who can vote and drink and get married legally. But when it comes to understanding our potential, our dreams, our life; 30 is when we really become adults. 

So to all my friends, who turned 30 or will be turning 30 soon; Welcome to Life. It's pretty fantastic!

And here goes another episode of bullying. And this time it's a woman bus monitor.Karen Huff Klein. I could not watch more than 5 seconds of this horrible act, caught on video. The video now has gone viral and the community has shown great support for the woman, who is not only the resident of Greece, NY but also is a widow. As if being a widow is easy, that poor woman was taunted because of that. What's wrong with our children? When did they become so insensitive and cruel and psychopaths? Day after day, weeks after week, we read a news about some child committing suicide because of relentless bullying. And it need not be a gay child; he/she could be someone the others think to be different or weak and take great pleasure bullying. When did the children become so horrible?

Childhood, as I remember was the best time of my life. Everyone in my family went to a semi-public school and we had students from all economic and class backgrounds. But never in my life I remember the day when someone was looked down upon because she lacked a certain quality. Being a high-school student in India is all about getting fantastic grades and excelling in extracurricular activities. Even the divisions were set in a way to reflect the quality of students (like A would be all over 3.5 GPA and so on and so forth). This was actually much more deliberate division of students, according to their academic achievements. But as I remember the students from less academic achievement class, were good at so many other things (sports, paintings, music, dance) that we the "A" students never felt any different or at times may be lacking certain life qualities others had. I was into sports throughout school days and I made some great friends while playing with the team and of course they were not A students. In fact, I remember I once said something jokingly about someone's academic ability and I was reprimanded very strongly by the teacher. I am glad she did that. Never at my home, such "I am better than you because I am A students" behavior was encouraged. In fact, my parents were extremely cautious about not letting me and my sister fly high; no matter what.

Isn't this how it's supposed to be? Everyone is different but difference is what makes life so beautiful and enjoyable. Aren't we supposed to celebrate the differences? What's wrong with kids these days? I am not child educator or psychologist, but if children are on their way to be bullies; something is very wrong with the adults who are supposed to inculcate values. We all like to make fun of others and pull leg or react sarcastically but making someone so miserable that they choose a path of death or have a psychological breakdown; is not "making fun" it's "criminal". I know there are laws against such behavior but then where is the strict implementation? Something, somewhere is missing the mark. Parents, teachers; I don't know whom to blame. But this is a very serious problem.

Being a child should be the best part of life not the worse. And being a bully should be the worst part of once's life; not the best.

Today I cached up upon Satyamev Jayate episode I missed after coming back to US. This time it was about Honor Killings. First of all, honor killing sounds like an oxymoron. What kind of honor there will be in killing. Secondly, the issue of honor killing is about killing the couples who get married in a situation deemed undesirable for their families. So the family members end up killing those couples or one of them. Where is the honor in killing your own flesh and blood. All the stories featured on the show were extremely emotional and horrible. Some of the couples were lucky to be alive but still living in fear. Some of them got the worst of it. Then they had people from Harayanvai Khap panchayat to understand, what sort of Panchyata law is involved and if there is any legal right to the panchayats to carry on such practices (need not be killing but giving the decision whether the man and the woman can marry each other). It was all very backwards and in 21st century when APJ Abdul Kalam wants India to be superpower, what sort of social norms are we still thinking about and following?

I thought love conquers all. As long as they are mutually consenting adults; who is society and for that matter even close family to object and pass judgement. As the person from "Love Brigade" pointed out, it's about keeping the woman under the man's rule. If we let the women choose whom they marry; this extremely strong power just slips away. In fact the whole notion of marriage and the patriarchal system is about keeping the woman under the thumb. I am not for patriarchy but I can understand the system up to a certain limit but deciding who will live and die is not the desired outcome of such system.

Where are we going? What path are we following as a nation? We boast so much about The Indian Culture, Indian Values; where are these values when it comes to honor killings and shunning and rapes and female foeticide? I am so ashamed of my country right now. One would hope that these social issues will weed away over the period of time but it looks that they are becoming more and more common. And when will the society change? And when will the people/families of those couples will think? Just because someone is not following the so called tradition, kill him? And who decides what's the tradition anyways? It's just makes me extremely sad to think that  in a country that boasts to be one of the eldest civilizations in the world, people have forgotten how to be civilized. 

Someone would say nobody can do anything about it. But of course they can. We can start with our own families and communities and change their perspective. It will be a very long process but nonetheless we have to try. And of course government and legal system should make the sentences harsher and implement them. The perpetrators of these crime should dealt with a very strong hand. The legal system should make it a point that such crimes will not be tolerated. 

I hope the programs such as Satyamev Jayate will bring awareness about these issues and if it can change life of at least one person; I would say we are on right track.