For last few weeks, the article that Yale Law Professor Amy Chua wrote has been circulating and has created an immense debate about "what is good parenting?" Now, Amy Chua has also published a book about her parenting style and I think this new debate has been a good publicity for her book. Of course, there are people on the both sides of the issue. Amy Chua's article brings out some good points about parenting and some extreme ones. It is her parenting and really we can only say that's her choice. We can not debate if it is right or wrong. We can choose our own styles when it comes to our children. The article and the debate made me think about my childhood and my parents.
Like many other parents I know, my parents had some flexible rules and some strict rules. Growing up we had to go to school regularly, do homework and get into extracurricular activities. I definitely enjoyed the extracurricular activities and studying was fun sometimes. I don't really remember me or my sister cringing about doing our work. We were always among the good students, may times topped our class. Ambition 'to be someone' was inculcated through talks and examples. But I don't remember the times when my parents went crazy about their expectations or resorted to horrible punishments. Of course, some times I might have felt, that they were too tough or demanding. But looking back now, I feel they struck a good balance between love and punishment. I think being a girl, there was never a hitting incidence involved but thinking, something I do might make them angry, was enough for me behave as they said.
I definitely would say that my parents made us think independently. When we were in college, many of their "have to do" s kind of vanished. We had some rules when it came to friends. We were supposed to bring all our new friends home. My parents have always been quite popular with both our friends and our friends would visit them even when we were not be there. I think at the age of 16 when I did not know how to judge people, this rule worked really well. It was kind of silent approval from parents to our friends and we never felt it was wrong or weird. As I grew older, I knew who I would take home, boys and girls included.
I definitely give 100% credit to my parents' decision to support me when I decided to pursue B.A. after 10th grade. Almost all my classmates from school opted for engineering and I knew my father wanted me to do the same. You know, how Indian mind set works. But I knew it was not for me. There were some opinion clashes but in the end I did what I wanted to do and I am extremely grateful to my parents that they support me till date even when professionally I am struggling.
Love for arts, languages, reading. theater, politics and most importantly public service is my parents gift to me. Till date , like most of the girls I have to call my mother to tell her when I see a new movie or read a new book or enjoy new theater production. Does it mean that we never had any disagreements? Hell no! I would fight with them about too many things. Like when they did not want me to continue to be a part of the theater team after the first year in college. I was so mad and upset, but after few days when the whole theater group ended up being a big political joint, I thanked them about their decision. I could never do anything if parents told me not to do. Initially it was fear of their anger and later on it was fear of making them upset or unhappy.
Small things and infractions are going to happen in any relationship. But the kind of close nit family we have, it's worth it. I don't know how others grew up, but as for me it was wonderful and happening and democratic at times. So even if some "happy child" philosophers would not agree with my parents choice of do's and don'ts; I agree with them 100%. I know that I am who I am because of them. Sacrificing a little bit of sleepovers or no theater times, was worth it!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
A great setback to Democracy
On Sunday, January 9, 2010; Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords was shot in a meeting with her constituents in Tucson, AZ. Six other people including a Federal Judge in Arizona were dead and the congresswoman now lies in coma. The shooter was captured and is facing both state and federal charges. This news will be in air for next many weeks and pundits from all political parties and news reporters will tear the issue into the pieces using party politics, gun control, immigration and the other possible issues they can find. There will be discussion about whether the shooter is mentally ill or what was his motivation in spite many videos he posted on youtube about his ideas and thoughts. Sarah Palin's "Map" will become overtly famous and republicans will call names to all those who resort to violence. This whole drama will end as soon as we find new issue to chew on such as "Is Obama an American Citizen" or " will my taxes go down now that Republicans are getting back to power" and all those life changing and most serious issues. Hopefully, Giffords will recover and be back at her job in Washington.
I am speechless. Not frustrated, not horrified, just Speechless. The country that takes a great pride in its Democratic values and principles just saw how flimsy those values are getting or should I say the country saw no one cares about the Democracy as along as they can get few minutes of time on television or radio and use partisan politics to get elected. As Paul Krugman wonderfully wrote in his opinion piece in NY Times Climate of Hate, the time has come for the politicians to retrospect about the use of language when they are denouncing their opponents. I mean all politicians. I don't care if you are a liberal or a conservative, if you instigate your voters enough to make them kill someone, you are responsible for their actions.
I truly believe in democracy as the only method to govern any country. It is not the most perfect method but it is the only method that ensures that every single vote counts and every single opinion is heard. But when every single vote is only politically motivated, I have a problem. I believe that freedom of speech is the greatest gift that any constitution can provide. But how far do we want to take that gift? With great gifts comes great responsibility. The great leaders like Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr. used this gift to motivate millions of supporters to march towards "Freedom" in peace. Unfortunately, those kind of leaders are now almost extinct.
How far we want to let these political warmongers lead us? As Krugman says, as long as it brings money and time on TV, the politicians will say anything. When a commoner like me says something irresponsibly the result is me getting in trouble. But when a leader says something irresponsibly, the result is the country getting in trouble. And worse thing is, all this speech is not against some external enemy, it is against internal opponents who are viewed by thousands of the followers as "enemy". The beauty of democracy lies in the ability of having multitude of opinions. We need difference of opinions to make sure that the people don't get carried away by one side. Unfortunately, debate and arguments are no longer in the congress they are coming into our houses and into our lives. Why is that someone who has a different political opinion can never be your friend? If politics a business, why can't they argue and fight in congress and still be respectful of each other and mention that loudly to the constituents? The business of "spreading fear" is not good and the result is decided by a bullet than by a vote.
I cried blood tears over this. I am a champion of freedom for all. But I am also champion of freedom with great responsibility. Freedom is not an entitlement, it's an opportunity many do not get in their lifetime. With every bullet freedom vanishes in air and democracy dies a little bit more.
I really pray that congresswoman will get better soon and the nation will retrospect, even for a moment and see what we are giving up to achieve what!
I am speechless. Not frustrated, not horrified, just Speechless. The country that takes a great pride in its Democratic values and principles just saw how flimsy those values are getting or should I say the country saw no one cares about the Democracy as along as they can get few minutes of time on television or radio and use partisan politics to get elected. As Paul Krugman wonderfully wrote in his opinion piece in NY Times Climate of Hate, the time has come for the politicians to retrospect about the use of language when they are denouncing their opponents. I mean all politicians. I don't care if you are a liberal or a conservative, if you instigate your voters enough to make them kill someone, you are responsible for their actions.
I truly believe in democracy as the only method to govern any country. It is not the most perfect method but it is the only method that ensures that every single vote counts and every single opinion is heard. But when every single vote is only politically motivated, I have a problem. I believe that freedom of speech is the greatest gift that any constitution can provide. But how far do we want to take that gift? With great gifts comes great responsibility. The great leaders like Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr. used this gift to motivate millions of supporters to march towards "Freedom" in peace. Unfortunately, those kind of leaders are now almost extinct.
How far we want to let these political warmongers lead us? As Krugman says, as long as it brings money and time on TV, the politicians will say anything. When a commoner like me says something irresponsibly the result is me getting in trouble. But when a leader says something irresponsibly, the result is the country getting in trouble. And worse thing is, all this speech is not against some external enemy, it is against internal opponents who are viewed by thousands of the followers as "enemy". The beauty of democracy lies in the ability of having multitude of opinions. We need difference of opinions to make sure that the people don't get carried away by one side. Unfortunately, debate and arguments are no longer in the congress they are coming into our houses and into our lives. Why is that someone who has a different political opinion can never be your friend? If politics a business, why can't they argue and fight in congress and still be respectful of each other and mention that loudly to the constituents? The business of "spreading fear" is not good and the result is decided by a bullet than by a vote.
I cried blood tears over this. I am a champion of freedom for all. But I am also champion of freedom with great responsibility. Freedom is not an entitlement, it's an opportunity many do not get in their lifetime. With every bullet freedom vanishes in air and democracy dies a little bit more.
I really pray that congresswoman will get better soon and the nation will retrospect, even for a moment and see what we are giving up to achieve what!
Friday, January 7, 2011
God, Faith etc...
Are you a believer? I have been asked that questions a few times and other times I asked this question to few others. I have friends who consider themselves atheists and we always have discussions about God and religion and other aspects of faith in general. This country which is definitely founded on Judeo-Christian principles, definitely looks at faith from a certain point of view. However, it is interesting to see the change in public opinion, particularly the generation between 18-40 when it comes to the matters of faith or more particularly matters of religion. Percentage of atheists is definitely on the rise and I think percentage of people questioning the aspects of religion is also on the rise. Now, this particular post is not about exploring the changing nature of religion in society, but it is about my own thinking about the matter.
Being born and brought up in India, I have been exposed to many different religions and many religious practices. However, my parents were never "ritualistic". Of course, they do believe in God and have learnt Bhagwadgeeta and enjoy the more literary aspect of the religious texts. But I do not remember many incidents when me and my sister had to follow religious traditions. We celebrated all the festivals and my father did poojas. But it was never hard and fast and we were allowed to ask questions and often disagree with parents about religious traditions. I will definitely say my parents are believers but hardly religious.
I always distinguish between religious people and the believers. Religious people, as I have seen in my family and around follow all the rules and regulations without questioning any of it. I most definitely know that many customs and rituals in Hindu traditions have particular significance that has nothing to do with God. However, unfortunately people who call themselves very traditional and religious hardly know about such significance and I object to that. Many of Hindu customs and festivals are based on cycle of nature and weather and have environmental significance. Such as Vatapaurnima when women pray to Banyan tree for long life their husbands. Now, it's good to spend time in a garden full of Banyan trees and it also gave an opportunity to women (before they became independent) to spend time with friends away from household chores. There were many tress in forest 100 years ago. However, now the Vatapaurnima does not provide that cultural and environmental significance any more (there are no Banyan tress to begin with). But religious people often do not know about the background of such days and still continue practicing them. Of course, if you enjoy such days then it's wonderful. But many times I have seen people scrapping pennies to celebrate such days or fulfill such rituals. Fasting is a good thing but fasting for nine days when you are working full time is not exactly a health advice I will give anyone. This is where I have problem with religion and champions of religion.
I am a believer and I do feel good when I say my prayers and read philosophy. But I don't really care about the rituals. For that matter, when we got married in India, we did only four rituals that I had faith in. I think religion has nothing to do with God. In fact, if there is God I don't need a big bureaucracy to answer to before I can reach him. I believe that my understanding of God and my sense of safety is completely between God and me. I don't need elaborate ceremonies to prove to me that I am doing this to appease God. Since I believe in "Karma- Sindhhanta", I know I reap what I sow. So that completely cuts down all the unnecessary middlemen between me and God.
Being a person of faith gives me great comfort. I pray because it makes me feel better. Faith has nothing to do with religion. I remember this from one of the novels I read a while ago "I don't know any religion. All I know is God".
Being born and brought up in India, I have been exposed to many different religions and many religious practices. However, my parents were never "ritualistic". Of course, they do believe in God and have learnt Bhagwadgeeta and enjoy the more literary aspect of the religious texts. But I do not remember many incidents when me and my sister had to follow religious traditions. We celebrated all the festivals and my father did poojas. But it was never hard and fast and we were allowed to ask questions and often disagree with parents about religious traditions. I will definitely say my parents are believers but hardly religious.
I always distinguish between religious people and the believers. Religious people, as I have seen in my family and around follow all the rules and regulations without questioning any of it. I most definitely know that many customs and rituals in Hindu traditions have particular significance that has nothing to do with God. However, unfortunately people who call themselves very traditional and religious hardly know about such significance and I object to that. Many of Hindu customs and festivals are based on cycle of nature and weather and have environmental significance. Such as Vatapaurnima when women pray to Banyan tree for long life their husbands. Now, it's good to spend time in a garden full of Banyan trees and it also gave an opportunity to women (before they became independent) to spend time with friends away from household chores. There were many tress in forest 100 years ago. However, now the Vatapaurnima does not provide that cultural and environmental significance any more (there are no Banyan tress to begin with). But religious people often do not know about the background of such days and still continue practicing them. Of course, if you enjoy such days then it's wonderful. But many times I have seen people scrapping pennies to celebrate such days or fulfill such rituals. Fasting is a good thing but fasting for nine days when you are working full time is not exactly a health advice I will give anyone. This is where I have problem with religion and champions of religion.
I am a believer and I do feel good when I say my prayers and read philosophy. But I don't really care about the rituals. For that matter, when we got married in India, we did only four rituals that I had faith in. I think religion has nothing to do with God. In fact, if there is God I don't need a big bureaucracy to answer to before I can reach him. I believe that my understanding of God and my sense of safety is completely between God and me. I don't need elaborate ceremonies to prove to me that I am doing this to appease God. Since I believe in "Karma- Sindhhanta", I know I reap what I sow. So that completely cuts down all the unnecessary middlemen between me and God.
Being a person of faith gives me great comfort. I pray because it makes me feel better. Faith has nothing to do with religion. I remember this from one of the novels I read a while ago "I don't know any religion. All I know is God".
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