I am what can be called a "Type A", workaholic individual. I love my work and in last two and half years I have consumed countless amounts of alcohol and caffeine to keep working. That has led to some good research work, some good conference presentations and upcoming research ideas.However, that has also led to many mental breakdowns, sleepless nights, exhaustion and questioning my ability to do any good work.
And this is not just me. Many of my incredibly smart and hard working friends and colleagues have been through the same or even going through the same. I am very proud to be in a country that focuses so much on work and achievements but at the same time, looking at myself and my friends, I keep asking the real question "When do I live?" Work is important and I want to work and be productive and contribute a drop of knowledge as long as I live. But while doing it, I realize that all I think about and worry about is work. A very wise colleague of mine once told me, no one cares if you kill yourself over work. There is always someone to replace you. So what you have to do create and maintain your own boundaries.
The real question is, how do I do that? Sometimes I say, what I produce is not really changing the world or saving lives or solving any of the world problems. But then why do I feel this constant need to give 110% and prefer work over my own sanity and life? I am struggling to find answer to this question. I love my family and friends but I can recall numerous times,when I have chosen a deadline over seeing them or talking to them. I am always ON. Even at my own party, I couldn't stop thinking about the enormous amounts of reading and work I had to finish the next day. I think, my work is made me live only in the "office" and not in my own life. I dream about work and forget everything when it's on line. I feel if I fail to succeed at a single deadline, that's the end of my life. This is a terrible situation. I am constantly stressed and worried that I am not ""good enough or working hard enough".
If I succeed in one project, the next one is on the line and I can't enjoy success of my own work. I think this is the outcome of my workaholic nature or my own need to be constantly successful at work. Everything else, doesn't matter. Work-life balance is important but are we creating a situation where it's impossible to have one. I don't know the answer to this question but what I know is something needs to be done. After all, work is a part of life and not the entirety of it.
And this is not just me. Many of my incredibly smart and hard working friends and colleagues have been through the same or even going through the same. I am very proud to be in a country that focuses so much on work and achievements but at the same time, looking at myself and my friends, I keep asking the real question "When do I live?" Work is important and I want to work and be productive and contribute a drop of knowledge as long as I live. But while doing it, I realize that all I think about and worry about is work. A very wise colleague of mine once told me, no one cares if you kill yourself over work. There is always someone to replace you. So what you have to do create and maintain your own boundaries.
The real question is, how do I do that? Sometimes I say, what I produce is not really changing the world or saving lives or solving any of the world problems. But then why do I feel this constant need to give 110% and prefer work over my own sanity and life? I am struggling to find answer to this question. I love my family and friends but I can recall numerous times,when I have chosen a deadline over seeing them or talking to them. I am always ON. Even at my own party, I couldn't stop thinking about the enormous amounts of reading and work I had to finish the next day. I think, my work is made me live only in the "office" and not in my own life. I dream about work and forget everything when it's on line. I feel if I fail to succeed at a single deadline, that's the end of my life. This is a terrible situation. I am constantly stressed and worried that I am not ""good enough or working hard enough".
If I succeed in one project, the next one is on the line and I can't enjoy success of my own work. I think this is the outcome of my workaholic nature or my own need to be constantly successful at work. Everything else, doesn't matter. Work-life balance is important but are we creating a situation where it's impossible to have one. I don't know the answer to this question but what I know is something needs to be done. After all, work is a part of life and not the entirety of it.
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